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How I found solace with Reiki and meditation.

Suicidal, self - harming and Rock bottom. How to find out I have bipolar and learning to manage it through the healing properties of Reiki and meditation.

Since I was Twenty-one, I had suffered depression, anxiety, and severe mood swings. I used to think the cause had to be because I had a traumatic childhood. That at least explained the depression but not why I would be hyperactive and impulsive the next? 

2017 I reached out to a friend who had mentioned to me about Reiki. I had just hit a drop in my mood again. I wanted to find a natural way to help me. I didn’t want to keep taking anti-depressants because as soon as I was happy, So I would stop taking them.  I began looking at Reiki.

I booked an appointment with my friend.

I arrived at my friends’ home, where she performed Reiki and then explained to me relax and be open-minded.

The room was calm. There was meditation music on in the background. It felt very relaxing.

I laid down she began. It felt surreal I wasn’t sure what to feel. She only touched my head, shoulders, and feet. Then hover over the rest of my body, Weirdly, I could feel her as if she was moving over me. I remember feeling rushes of hot and cold air, and my mind for once was calm and rested. 

After the session, she gave me an evaluation and explained how she saw a spirit lion, colours of auras, and aligned chakras. I had no idea what chakras, auras, or spirit animals were, but I was intrigued I wanted to understand how this works and what were chakras? It was a fantastic experience.

I booked another session. I’d hit another drop in my mood a few days before my appointment. I arrived for the Reiki a mess. Crying, shaking, and inconsolable. I was desperate for this magical Reiki to work. But I was still a mess. Had Reiki failed me? Did I do something wrong?

I didn’t realise that in fact Reiki was helping my drops.

I stopped getting sessions as I just disregarded Reiki before really giving it a try. Yet it was bugging me I wanted to understand it. It made no sense. How was it my friend could feel and see so much just by hovering over me? Why did I feel heat and cold? There must have been a logical reason for this? 

In January 2019, I started to learn about Reiki. I also learned numerology and anything I could get my hands on. Yep, you guessed mania had hit me again. I felt invincible. How was it yesterday I was a down in the dumps, and today I’m on top of the world?

I started learning Reiki level one, which is about self-healing and learning how to perform Reiki. It kept me intrigued and wanting to learn more. I learned all about energy and vibrations and what chakras were. I had a lust for life and indulged in the knowledge of Reiki. One of the things I learned in Reiki was meditation. At first, I just couldn’t get the hang of it; I just couldn’t clear my mind. But I kept trying.

My drop arrived. This time though, my drop was the worst. I had gone from being erratic, impulsive, a sense of hyper mania to depressed. It hit me like a colossal wave. This was the worst drop I had ever experienced. I wanted to end my life. But paranoia hit and even judged me in times of suicidal thoughts. I would think if I did die, people would mock me, judge me, or think I was pathetic. I couldn’t escape. It hurt so bad, and I wanted it just to stop. I remembered that self-harm took the pain away in my teens, so I resorted to self harm again. But the thing is it doesnt take the pain away. It just makes you hide more of yourself from people.

I remember one morning I couldn’t stop crying, i had self harmed again. I couldn’t do this anymore; I needed help. I started to look at my behavior and the trends. I saw that for the last twelve years, my moods were high and low. I realised that it was more than depression. But what i didnt no? I plucked up the courage and called my doctors. I remember just letting everything out from why I am happy one minute and sad the next.

For the first time there was no surmising, guessing or wondering what it could be it was straight talking. My doctor explained my symptoms had sounded like bipolar. Wow it was all making sense now. 

For the first time I had clarity and understanding of what was wrong with me.  

I remember over the next few weeks when I was coming out of my drop. I would perform Reiki on myself and I would mediate daily. I also looked into natural ways to help with triggers and mood changes in bipolar. Along with medication. Daily meditation and Reiki self-healing were helping me to calm my mind.

I learnt that when I have my drops it is ok to listen to my body and rest and heal.

I was falling in love with me and who I am. After such a life shattering journey I had direction and clarity. 

I continued my journey through Reiki and completed my masters. I also continued to learn about mediation and its effectiveness on mindset. I had finally found solace in life. I had accepted the fact I had bipolar and that instead of it ruling me, I now had a reign over it.

I am proud of how far I have come and what I have achieved now is the time to help others on their journey and help them to realise how amazing they are. I am twelve months self-harm free and twelve months free of being suicidal. Forever grateful.

Love and light Lizzy 

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