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How I Found My Spirituality

Spirituality is a word that can stretch into a very broad concept, which is partly the reason people are attracted to it. Spirituality can be something personal to you that helps you live a better life and treat yourself and others better. There is usually an underlying belief of something greater than us running the […]

Spirituality is a word that can stretch into a very broad concept, which is partly the reason people are attracted to it. Spirituality can be something personal to you that helps you live a better life and treat yourself and others better. There is usually an underlying belief of something greater than us running the show, running the world and universe. Living a spiritual life can connect you closer to that source of power and really motivate you or change you for the better. Let’s talk more about it.

Growing up I was staunchly against believing in a god and anything that could represent a god. A lot of that view came from my teenage ego, which needed everyone to think I was some brilliant, well-spoken savant on everything. To me, believing in something greater than yourself was a weakness, I realize now it is a major strength.

I found my spirituality the same way many people I know have. I was at a rock bottom in life due to my drug addiction. I spent about 5 years trying to get sober and failing miserably. My biggest problem was I that I would dodge the god thing. People would tell me about it and how crucial it is and I would nod my head yes and then completely forget about it after. I didn’t think it was a serious factor.

Those 5 years of life beat me down so bad that I was begging for whatever was out there to save me. I was living in a cheap gross rented room in South Florida. I owed rent and the landlord was working on kicking me out. I had completely isolated myself from any kind of human contact. I’d stay up for days at a time getting high and would go many days in a row without uttering a single word. I was in my ‘cocoon’ as I like to call it.

It was during that period of time that I received news from my mom that my father had died unexpectedly from a heart attack. He was my best friend and we did not end on good terms. I headed back up to New Jersey where I’m from for the service and my life had finally become a complete living hell that was too much for me to handle finally.

For two months i spent every night crying myself to sleep. I didn’t want to live but didn’t want to die. I remember getting on my knees over my bed and begging god, whatever was out there, for help. I called god out, I said ‘if you’re out there, prove it to me’. The next day, my mom called me and said my father had left behind money that I could use to go back to treatment. I said yes immediately.

That had a profound effect on me, I knew I could no longer question if there was something out there greater than myself. I knew there was a higher power. I put my pride aside and opened myself up to the idea that there was something out there and I was so sick of acting like I knew that I had no problem calling that power God.

Spirituality to me became the seeking of getting close to this power I chose to believe in. It wasn’t a religious god, I still don’t know what it is but I know that it’s something. I also knew in order for me to get closer to it I had to stop directing my life and let this power direct it. Basically, I stopped controlling my life and let things just happened and you know what? It worked.

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