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How Getting What We Want Can Actually Be the Most Terrifying Thing in the World.

How a spiritual practice can stop us from subconsciously pushing away our dreams.

Yesterday, I was at a theme park when a song came on that I haven’t heard in a very long time: One Direction’s Night Changes and these lyrics jumped out at me:

 “Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes?// Everything that you’ve ever dreamed of Disappearing when you wake up? //But there’s nothing to be afraid of // Even when the night changes, it’ll never change me and you.”

Remember that song from radio airplay a few years ago?

[P.S. I miss One Direction and all those great ballads that Ed Sheeran used to write for them!] 

The song brought back a lot of memories for me. I cried my eyes out to that song in college!

Here’s a little context to the memory: 

There was a boy. I met him on the beach. We had the most fun and exciting fling. Passionate and warm and thrilling.

And then it ended.

I remember it so clearly, he spent one last night at my place. I dropped him off at the airport at 4AM and I never saw him again.

The night changed, and he was gone. So I listened to that song and cried a lot. And yes, I can be a really dramatic person at times, hahaha.

It was interesting to think back on that day, I so clearly was going after an emotionally unavailable man. Not ‘on purpose’, but subconsciously very much ON PURPOSE.

You know how it is.

It broke my heart that he left, but it would have terrified me if he stayed. And that was my pattern in the past. I wouldn’t date anybody who would actually stay.

It’s funny what we subconsciously push away, isn’t it?

How we can say we want one thing, but do the opposite. How ego gets us trapped in that pattern of seek and do not find.

How getting what we really want can actually be the most terrifying thing in the world.

Now I can already guess your reaction… On the surface, that doesn’t seem to make any sense!

What do you mean I’m terrified of getting what I want? Why would I be scared of the very thing I’m asking for? 

But sometimes, that’s exactly what is happening. 

There’s a part of us that wants it, but there’s a part of us that doesn’t believe we’re worthy or doesn’t believe we can sustain it. We’re not sure if we can trust life to actually be that good. 

So we want it and simultaneously we are afraid of it. We end up sending the Universe mixed signals. 

That’s certainly what I was doing for quite a long time. 

Thankfully, I’ve broken that pattern. I have opened my heart up, healed the pain of childhood, and cleared the subconscious sh*t so I can now receive love that is reciprocal and stable and beautiful.

But I find the theme of this song so profound, because the night changes for all of us.

Life changes. People change. WE change.

Sometimes that means a number goes up or down, and we make it mean something about what we’re worth.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a new city with a new view or language or temperature.

Sometimes we end up doing something we never thought we’d be doing with our lives.

The night changes.

Image: America’s Life Coach, Stephen Lovegrove.

And what then?

Do you have something you can trust in that place? Do you know who you are in that moment?

Do you have a place to turn when you wake up to something that’s completely unexpected?

So much of my work is about helping people restore THEIR connection to God.

I capitalize the word THEIR because it’s their own relationship to (as my friend Danielle Randall would put it) a God of their own understanding.

Not necessarily church. Not usually religion. Not often what everyone else is doing in the spiritually space. And sometimes, not involving the “God” word at all.

But a connection. That’s real and meaningful and life-changing.

Because you can’t receive FROM your Source until you feel connected TO your Source.

Let me break this down metaphysically. 

Everything you see in the external world is a manifestation of the ONE power and presence that many people call “God.” 

Absolutely everything you could ever desire to create in your life will come from that ONE invisible source and supply. 

Many people want to receive FROM Source, but they don’t maintain a connection TO Source, and so there ends up being a breakdown. 

When we are connected to the Source within us, all things flow effortlessly and naturally. 

When we lose our connection to the divine within, the flow dries up. We’ve all experienced the frustration of that before. 

This is why maintaining a spiritual practice every day is so vital. 

There are infinite ways you can connect to your Source – prayer, meditation, dance, yoga, etc. The methodology is not the important part. As Danielle Randall says so beautifully, “There is only one way to God – your way. Just get there.”

I’m not here to tell you how to create a connection to Source for yourself, because that’s a personal decision you get to make and discover for yourself.

But I’m telling you that connection is vital.  

Once you have that and you can trust it?

You’re unstoppable.

The night changes, but you’re still there.

It’ll never change you and God. That is actually my definition of Heaven.

I know God loves me. I know God is with me. I know God is inside of me. And so no matter what else changes around me, it’ll never change me and God.

That is safety. That is happiness. That is peace. 

And that is what I want for you.

You can trust your success. You can trust all your dreams coming true. You can trust this right now moment. No matter what is changing around you today, you are safe and you are loved and you are supported.

You are never alone.

Even when the night changes. 

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