How Do We Spot a Desirable Person?

Eharmony’s Desirability Study Has Us Wondering What to Look For

Thrive Global invites voices from many spheres to share their perspectives on our Community platform. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team, and opinions expressed by Community contributors do not reflect the opinions of Thrive Global or its employees. More information on our Community guidelines is available here.

The process of dating can be super complicated, as we try to figure out who the best fit for us would be – while also deciding if there is attraction, and even if this is someone we can trust! 

When we surveyed more than 1,000 single Americans, in partnership with Harris Interactive, for eharmony’s first-ever “Singles and Desirability Study”, we learned some resounding truths: 70% of singles are looking for a serious relationship with a desirable person, and attractiveness is not the top deciding factor. A pleasant surprise, right? So with that in mind, next we have to uncover how to spot these desirable people. 

Consider Your Personal Passions and Interests

In 2019, finding someone with shared interests tends to be a lot more successful than finding your polar opposite. There’s been this universally accepted idea that opposites attract, but that is simply outdated. In fact, we’ve found in conducting the desirability study, as well as our Annual Happiness Index, that we more often find those who share our interests to be more attractive. When you meet someone, you will quickly learn what they love to do in their downtime. Is it compatible with your lifestyle? Do you enjoy spending free time in similar ways? This is really key.

Look Into Their Social Circles

Talk is cheap. When you first meet someone and there’s an attraction, they’ll often say what they think you want to hear. If you’re looking to uncover the partner’s redeeming qualities, the best move is to lean on your trusted network of friends. Who knows? They might know someone you know, and they can hopefully tell you great things. The endorsement of a mutual friend practically guarantees that this is someone worth exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship with. According to our study, singles want someone who is honest and kind, above all else, and a good mutual friend will tell you if a potential partner is either of those things.

Look For Those With Caring Professions

There are a lot of topics that are important to cover when vetting a potential partner, but it is natural to talk about what they do for a living. Having a steady career path alleviates a lot of worries that could arise from dating someone who is unemployed or with an unsteady job. What if they’re financially or emotionally unstable, or unfulfilled because they aren’t pursuing something they’re passionate about? Altogether, a steady career path can be attractive. It not only shows intelligence (which our study found is a top attribute in a desirable person), but it shows security, too. Additionally, there was a particularly clear hierarchy of professions that our respondents found most desirable: people with more “caring” jobs, like doctors, teachers, or firefighters. It looks like a fancy, big-baller Wall Street paycheck isn’t enough! Our study actually found the opposite! That all said, when you do find a desirable potential partner with these types of jobs, it’s definitely a good sign. 

I can’t believe that we’ll soon be at the halfway point of summer. Let the seasons be your friend when it comes to finding a desirable partner and building a meaningful relationship. It’s a timeless process. The way we play the game is always changing. Clearly, the casual summer fling is a thing of the past – today’s singles aren’t out there looking to mess around. Again, pursuing a serious relationship can take time. So as we enter the latter half of summer, remember that it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment – just make sure you know enough about who it’s stirring up with, and you take the necessary steps to keep the spark going throughout the colder months!

So, tell me, how have you spotted desirable people in the past? 

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...


What Makes Someone Truly Desirable?

by Jeannie Assimos

Science Proves We Aren't Very Good at Choosing the Healthiest Partner for Us

by Peter Kotecki
Sam Edwards/Getty Images

Playing Hard to Get Hardly Ever Works—Here's Why

by Lindsay Dodgson
We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.