During Chinese New Year COVID-19 kicked off in Hong Kong and it shook things up massively here. I was away in Phuket when it all started and soon after I returned I saw how seriously the Hong Kong people were taking it. To some extent I understood the gravity at hand. But the magnitude of what this virus really is hit home when it spread to Europe especially Italy.
Now I’m not Italian. I’m Indian and I live in Hong Kong. So you must be wondering why would it ‘hit home’ when Italy is affected and not Hong Kong or India? That is a valid question. If you’ve been following my previous blogs where I talk about the Italian, then this might make more sense. But I’ll do a recap anyways.
I fell in love with a man, an Italian to be specific and while he lives in Hong Kong, his company asked him to go back home when the Coronavirus had spread to Hong Kong. This was in late January. So off he went because it was supposedly safer there. Little did anyone know, that it would have such a ripple effect that it would spread far and wide.
Today, Italy is not only on lockdown but it has had the most deaths and infected people outside of China. At first, this to me was really scary and worrying especially since Italy has a huge population of elderly. Scary because his parents are old while really healthy and fit. But my autopilot thought became to worry but I realized how it wasn’t conducive. So I consciously started meditating on wishing him, his family and Italy well. I prayed that this too Italy will survive and the country will be more than okay.
I was also scared because when we’re dealing with the unknown the automatic thing to do is to worry and fear what may occur. I too fell in that trap. I was stressed and yet I didn’t really logically understand what I was worked up about. Was I concern that he or his family would be infected or that he’d be stuck there for longer? Or was it that the country would suffer more and for an extended period? I had to look deep within my fears and worries. What was beneath it all?
The only true reason I started to care about Italy was because I met him. He was what got me connected if at all to Italy because he is there at the moment and that’s his home. I was afraid and thought, “what if this continues (the virus) and I won’t get to see him for months, what would happen then”? I realized I was uncomfortable of what this virus was doing to me in this new love that I found. In normal circumstances, I’d get to hang out with him and spend time with him, here in Hong Kong. But now not only am I dealing with the time difference, but also a virus that is taking over many people’s focus and priorities and mine’s included. I wasn’t used to this phase in a new relationship because most relationships start off with dating and doing fun things together. That honeymoon stage is what makes it all so exciting. But instead I’m experiencing something completely different – something intense but not in a romantic way! It made me scared. I feared that what if over time, I got impatient because I miss him and this waiting became hard. It is easier to end things when it got difficult then to wait it out. I also feared that what if this yearning and chemistry died down over a period of time especially given the distance.
When I realized my fear was I didn’t like the waiting, that this unknown territory of not having our relationship start in a way that it normally does, made me uncomfortable that is when it all changed for me. The reason is, I knew I loved him and that wasn’t going to change. So the question I had to ask myself is, if I do love him, then what is this period of absence really going to do to me? As in, shouldn’t the absence cultivate more affection, yearning and love because like they say, the heart grows fonder when apart? This was a test for me to practice unconditional love, have patience and be there for him during this difficult period. Doesn’t that speak of love? If that doesn’t, then God knows what does! It is easy to love when the circumstances are easy, when it is hard, being loving can be challenging but that is the testament to true love.
The second thing I feared was what if this relationship loses its chemistry because of distance and added stress. In a nutshell, then it wasn’t meant to be. I’m learning to see that I cannot sit here holding it altogether. If something is meant for me, it doesn’t matter how much of an effort I make right now especially when there is more going on that’s at stake. I need to trust in the flow of things and let go. It doesn’t mean I don’t be me. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop caring or being loving. Not at all! But I will relax mentally if we’re not texting all the time or if he doesn’t text me for a few days etc. Having that epiphany that what is meant for me will be mine. I don’t have to drive it forward especially when it comes to a new relationship. Allowing this to flow on its own accord is like letting the chi in my body do its thing without consciously taking deep breaths because I know the prana, the energy is flowing. This realization made me feel so much lighter and relaxed.
This is a difficult time for many whose loved ones are miles away from them, it is important to be the loving, kind and beautiful person our loved ones know us to be. He said to me recently that I’ve got a beautiful soul and mind. If a guy notices that, it speaks volumes. I’m going to continue to be me – the vibrant, happy person that I am. Whilst this COVID-19 is going on, I’ll continue to pray that we’re able to reunite with our loved ones soon and that we’re able to see what the lesson in this is. Every experience opens the door to growth, what has this pandemic taught you?
This too shall pass.