Started for me in my school days ,trying to connect to children of my age was a difficulty as my interest were different from other children which made it complicated for me to interact with others . It was something I can put as ‘wanting to be connected with no connection at all ‘ . The other issues which as a child back then I couldn’t figure out was the impact it created on other kids and parents too which kept me away from socializing,not to ignore I did play but never really had a connection which was making me feel irritated , low on confidence.
After I crossed 5th grade and moving to secondary schooling, due to some reasons my school got changed and it was again a new journey for me I thought so . This time though I could change ,so I started interacting but failing to converse what was necessary or what was likable/acceptable as social standards and often getting beaten up for standing up for myself . Getting inspired by bollywood movies sometimes I tried to replicate the similar gestures which was made fun off . So not knowing what to do I remained displaced from society working hard turned my focused to studies and managed to pass with average grades which could shut those who taunted for not doing well in studies – which was the single most thing I could get right .
By now I had turned 16 and proceeding to higher education ,I hoped and prayed to god that things turn out well this time .I tried my college basketball team was selected to play school matches but just to sit in extras which lowered my moral . Then the verbal bullying started and one day I cried at home for the same and the issue was resolved by my mother who has been supportive all throughout my life. I somehow passed my High school education . I can now understand what I was doing was unacceptable ,I tried several things to change myself but was ignored or often laughed at . I know it is very easy to say to stand up for yourself ,speak up and let yourself heard trust me at that age it was difficult for me to that and I feared what I may not live up-to the society standards .
Growing as a Adult and I had to make a choice of education which I did make and got admitted into one top educational institution for Hospitality Management . For the one last time in my educational years I hoped to deliver and hit right to make friends and all those years of ignorance ,struggle to fit in would change and these years would bring happiness ,bonding of a lifetime but it was not to be as I declined to go out to parties ,gatherings apart from the freshers party with classmates which reflected badly during practicals as no one wanted to be with me as I was different from the rest . somehow with lots of frustration ,pain ,loneliness I completed the course and graduated as others stayed connected I remained disconnected .
I did complete my post graduation but my lack of ability to communicate , interact ,social behavior failed to get me a good job of my choice . I then joined a MNC as a trainee ,later confirmed as permanent staff but those bullying didn’t change ,by which my relation with co-worker , superiors didn’t go well . I tried reporting only to people to stop talking with me . I finally left my job ,got to new one things haven’t changed still as I continue my job search as I continue to feel lonely .
I would finally give my thoughts on all these to :
To Parents – It is understandable that you want your kids to excel in all aspects of life ,but also keep in mind that every child is different and sometimes he may be just in wrong place and time ,things will get better if not now or later .Just pray to god he never losses hope and keep motivating them but also to see that they do not get offtrack .
To children/Men/women – you are beautiful ,you are loved . Hope & Pray that things get better .Try improving but do not get pressurized or stressed by seeing others do well or excel ,knowing it is painful but that is there story and you will good days ahead .