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Five things I learnt from Demi Moores’ biography ‘Inside Out’.

A book that provides healing and comfort

Photo by Roberto Delgado Webb on Unsplash

Most of the time, the biggest expanders in our life, are those that have been through difficult times, and are candidly honest and open about it. I picked ‘Inside Out’ as one of my holiday reads, not expecting anything from it, but gaining so much. Reading for me is an opportunity to give time back to myself, ‘when life often seems to be more about everyone else’. I laughed, I cried and felt a touch of my own childhood, I also felt a great deal of empathy for a woman who had been through a great deal. I hope that if you decide to read this book, you will come away thinking that, ‘you are enough, just as you are.’ I am not in anyway involved in the promotion of this book, I just think that when we hear other people’s stories, it helps us relate them back to our own stories and it gives us a sense of comfort.

Life can be lonely, even if you have friends.

It can be difficult to deal with loneliness when we are not feeling well, are sad or depressed. That is why it’s easier to isolate ourselves than to ring a friend and say ‘I could use a hug right now’. There is nothing wrong with spending time alone, however loneliness tends to happen when we still feel alone, when we are in the company of other people. It usually starts when we are feeling down or have had a traumatic event happen, but it can lead to a vicious cycle if we don’t reach out and ask for help.

It’s only when we tend to start to socially isolate ourselves from others, that it becomes a real problem. In the book, Demi talks about how alone she felt. It made me consider all of the times I had felt alone or abandoned. What I learnt from those times and the book, is that, we have to reach out and get help, before it spirals out of control.

If you’ve done work on yourself, your childhood doesn’t have to define who you are now.

If you haven’t done any deep work and delved into your childhood traumas — and you’re having a difficult time, then maybe it could help you. There’s so much research about how neural pathways are formed during childhood and how they can subconsciously impact your adult life. Demi’s childhood was far from perfect, but she still managed to carve out a successful career and have a beautiful family and there’s no reason why you can’t as well.

Throughout the book Demi talks about the dynamics of her childhood and how those issues were still coming up for her as an adult. Demi covers all the issues from when she was a child and why she had reached breaking point. I started doing some work on my own childhood traumas after reading this book, using hypnotherapy. If your issue is deep then I’d recommend seeing a therapist to support you. Personally, Its made a huge impact on my life.

Failure is REALLY hard to accept, but when you decide to get back up, you will be a better person.

Failure is a difficult one, it can make you or break you, even at the best of times. One thing i’ve learnt from failure is the quicker you get back up and have another go or change the thing that isn’t working, the quicker life will improve. Not to say you shouldn’t stop and be upset or take time to plan your next move. Looking back, the times I’ve failed, were because I was pushing in a direction that life just didn’t want me to be, so it forced me to change. Sometimes our friends or family will be the ones to force us to change or access help. Demi candidly talks about the time she was sent to rehab, and how she successfully finished the program, so she could work on the set of ‘St. Elmo’s fire’.

“To this day, I see this as some version of divine intervention.”

Demi Moore, Inside Out, 2019

At times we have to rely and lean on our friends and family to help us and that is perfectly ok.

It’s ok to walk away from family members who are toxic.

Its easy to think that it’s only ourselves who have a dysfunctional family, however most of us have experienced a falling out with a family member. When it’s repeated and toxic though, we have to think about whether or not we actually want this person in our lives. When it’s not healthy for us to be around someone who is toxic. In the book. Demi talks about her mother openly, and discusses how difficult that relationship dynamic was for her. Demi talks about how her mother was in hospital and unwell. It’s really difficult when a parent doesn’t reach our expectations and old hurts come up when they get sick, and its time to address them. I’ve been there myself. It’s hard to do but in time as you deal with it, it helps to think of everyone not as a lover, a friend or a family member but ‘as your teacher’.

You can decide to forgive yourself today, for the mistakes you made.

Often forgiveness doesn’t start with the person you need to forgive ‘saying sorry’, it actually starts with you, forgiving yourself. Demi talks about how being alone and isolated helped heal the way she looked at things.

“One of our collective fears is being alone. Learning that I’m okay with just me was a great gift i was able to give myself.”

Demi Moore, Inside Out, 2019

When we allow ourselves a chance to forgive ourselves and others we are not saying that what they did was ok. We are setting ourselves free from the energy that hurt us in the first place, and allowing ourselves to learn and move on in a more positive state, without resentments.

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