Community//

Feeling bad, for not feeling bad.

on receiving bad news last night today I am contemplating why I feel bad about not feeling sad. As I received news of the passing of my father, yes you read it right, I didn’t burst into tears. There was a calm that settled. To understand you have to realise that I hadn’t spoken to […]

on receiving bad news last night today I am contemplating why I feel bad about not feeling sad.

As I received news of the passing of my father, yes you read it right, I didn’t burst into tears. There was a calm that settled. To understand you have to realise that I hadn’t spoken to him in over 8 years and prior to that the relationship wasn’t the greatest. Not to delve into family politics, I am sure we all have our sad stories but needless to say it is now too late. There is nothing I can do, and unlike Hollywood would like you to believe, in reality, there is no sudden regret, or even a should have, could have, for me anyway.

Suddenly I spoke to family members that I haven’t spoken to in close on 15 odd years. and it slowly dawned on me, that I chose this, my reasons being my own, it was a conscious choise.

Not to make light of the passing of any family member, but to put in perspective, that we choose how we react. Be it anger, sadness, regret, longing, loss, you can add several more. Realise that it is a choice.
I am feeling bad because I don’t feel sad, and that is a choice. There is a sense of loss but no more.

He made his choices over the years for his reasons, and I made mine. We choose of our won free will.I can use the same analogy in traffic. If someone cuts you off, you choose how you react, they don’t force the reaction out of you. You decide, lash out, forgive and how to move on. Realise that your actions will have consequences, good bad or indifferent.

It is what it is, and life goes on. Basically, my point is this. React as you want, but realise that it is your choice. If you choose to lash out in anger over guilt, this is your choice. If you suddenly want to make contact with long lost siblings, friends etc. It is YOUR Choice.

Your actions are by choice. Take reasonability for them and realise that you make them for your own reasons and don’t make them satisfy a social norm.

Yes, I feel bad because I don’t feel sad. That’s me and my choice. You don’t have to understand it, it might make you angry but it is my choice. There is also a sense of relief. Relie after several attempts of reaching out over the years and not getting any joy, finally knowing some of the last 8 odd years of his life, and actually knowing and not wondering.

    The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!
    Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

    You might also like...

    Community//

    Loss, Grief and Change….It Hurts!

    by Jan Molino
    Mint Images/ Getty Images
    Wisdom//

    My Husband and I Took Our Son to Meet His Birth Parents

    by Brent Almond
    Wisdom//

    Estrangement: What it really feels like.

    by Tess Michael Kaytmaz

    Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

    Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

    Thrive Global
    People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

    - MARCUS AURELIUS

    We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.