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Eye Wonder

Where did all the wonder go?

I’m stuck in China! Well, not really stuck. It was and still is a choice. But send me back to my home country and I’m struck by the simple things that I never noticed when I was there. From that delicious first gulp of fresh air when I step off the plane (Yes even at the airport the air is like fine wine compared to a typical day here), to that tingling feeling I got once (seriously) in the back of my neck walking into a milk bar and hearing the old man behind the counter talking with a language and lilt that just said “home”.

No Wonder in my nameless Chinese city obviously, it’s all “back home”.

This could be a sign that I need to leave, but I will take it today as a sharp reminder that I have stopped noticing or caring about most of the good stuff right where I am.

My beautiful (and yes wonderful) wife and I have two boys who are still literally bursting at the seems with wonder. Wonder-full in spades. How do they do it?

The first few birthdays with my boys saw them take equal or even greater joy in the touch and sound of the present wrappings as they did in the present proper. How do they do that? 

My boys listen to Bach or Bird or Bob the Builder’s theme song with maddening and enticingly equal fascination.

How do we move from a state where almost anything delights us to the state where  nothing is ever good enough? Grown up hey? Grown up ha!  Well even you, dear reader have known for a while now that being a grown up isn’t all it’s cut out to be. Still, many of us seem to be in more of a rush than ever before to inflict adulthood (or many of its characteristics) on our unsuspecting children.

Full disclosure – I am a 40 something man with a probably not too uniquely messy mix of grown up and child all clawing for survival within the same soul.

Perhaps some friendly scientist could plot my child’s eye movement and eye focus throughout a day and then plot mine as my child and I both moved through the same experiences? What would we see? I suspect we are looking at things differently.  If we could plot our ears or use and sense of touch and would similar patterns emerge?

Are children the only ones who can actually use their senses? It seems that most of us full-growns with all our enlightenment and tech meant to heighten sense or expand sense can barely even begin to bridge the disconnect we have created.

I see without seeing, touch without touching, hear without hearing, breath without breathing……

Anyway,

OK.

Back to the start we must go.

For me right now I will close my eyes and start over, really try to start over, even just for a few minutes……

Eyes closed

and for the briefest moment so am I

Waiting

I breathe

Slow

Deep

I feel within my body

Both death and Life 

Sleep and surge 

Surge and sleep

Sleep.

Now

Eyes open

I open

and everything is new

Not what I expected

Nothing is….

I need to smile-shout at my self

What comes next?

Not an ordinary day…….

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