Are you still carrying around stuck energy from having your heart broken? I am. I’m in a wonderful relationship with a man I adore. He is always making those little (and big) gestures to show he’s thinking of me. The other day he fixed the broken toilet paper roll and when I saw it, I was filled with such love (it was driving me crazy every time I went into the bathroom). In this relationship, I’m seen and heard for who I am, and all the heartbreak of previous relationships is gone.
The Great Love of My Life
And yet, there is another love in my life that is pushing my heartbreak button. Yup, you guessed it – Roxy the Dog. I have been noticing how much I love this funny creature. This wild thing, who licks herself and others in very inappropriate ways. I fall a little more in love with her all the time, especially when she falls asleep in the same patch of sunlight that MooShu the cat used to.
At the store the other day I put a shirt back because I truly didn’t love or need it, and at the same time picked up another squeaky toy for Roxy, because – well, I don’t want her to feel unloved or bored. Really? I have seen her in a state of euphoria over a stick.
This love really scares me. It frightens me so much that a fleeting thought about how I can take advantage of The Safe Haven law occurs to me every once in a while (please forgive the dark humor).
What Will Happen?
I’m anxious about what will happen to me if something happens to her. Will I survive it? I just don’t want to have that experience where you hurt so much it literally feels as if your heart is breaking.
My love is so overwhelming that at times I try to withdraw. It never works by the way. That’s the amazing thing about animals, they push right through your efforts to isolate yourself. When I’m sad or upset, she has this trick she does by sitting next to me and offering her paw. How can I not cave?
If I’m closing myself off to this love (which is effortless), how am I maybe isolating myself from Divine goodness?
And, as often happens when we want to heal something, the Divine gives us the opportunity to do so.
An exchange the other day at the dog park gave me the chance to be with that love. As you do in the park, you nod and ask “how are you?” This woman began crying and telling me she just lost her five-year old dog. The dog was in good health one moment, and in the next, she had to say goodbye. It was very sudden, and this was the second day of her grief.
Being With the Emotion
For 20 minutes I compassionately listened, all the while screaming inside. I know this is a huge area of growth for me, and for others – to be profoundly loved and to love profoundly, and sit through the uncomfortable fear that loving is unsafe. So, what’s the process? Be present. Just like playing catch. You notice when the ball is dropped at your feet and you get to decide if you want to participate in the game.
I know from playing catch with Roxy, the only guarantee is that she will bring it back every time . . . until she doesn’t.