Disengagement creates scarcity

how having REAL conversations grows your business

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The other day during a conversation with my friend Jenny Drescher of The Bolder Company, she shared her theory that most business models are male oriented. She used the achievement-oriented, what-you-do-is-who-you-are standard introduction as proof. As the conversation progressed, I thought of the many times I have done just that thing, and how disconnected it feels. I don’t want to be defined by what I do (and I can’t come up with a short enough sentence to describe my many passions).

Ever have one of those weeks where every single day the same theme comes up? This conversation with Jenny was after I returned from a two-day workshop with the amazing Chris Winfield. Chris is a super-connector, dedicated to the mission of real conversations with real people. Because “real people are….real people” (love that quote!)

And the day in-between Chris’s magic and Jenny’s wisdom, I re-connected with a friend from college. She sent me a message and we jumped on the phone right away. 34 years since we had last talked, and the time melted away.

What is the point of these stories? Each interaction resulted in new, win-win business opportunities for each of us (and ideas to connect up even more people). And the magic happened because it was not about selling – it was about connecting.

The morning after seeing Jenny, I was listening to Brené Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability as I was driving. Here’s what she said “…the underpinning of scarcity is disengagement……the absence of love and belonging always results in suffering…”. Same theme, same message.

I admit – I’m a mega-fan of Brené Brown. Because she talks about real things, that happen in the life of everyone. Shame, vulnerability, fear – none of us are exempt (no matter how much we pretend).

How is this relevant to your business? You are a real person. And when you connect with other people in a genuine fashion, you form relationships. I don’t mean networking – because all too often, that’s the same old “show you what I want you to see” model. I’m talking about actually knowing something about someone else. And being interested, because people are interesting when you see them 3D, and not as a business opportunity.

The other piece of magic? When you are connecting, you step out of scarcity-mode. Instead of worrying about impressing, or selling, or being liked – all of which are thinly veiled concerns about not being enough – you are opening the door to abundance. You stop worrying about whether your grain of sand will be noticed and start appreciating what it feels like to be part of the beach. And it feels great!

There is no limit to
love, or connection, or opportunity. All it takes is being you, and being with, the other person. So, try this – ask
someone their favorite color, and why. Or any other question that pops into
your mind when you’re open to really seeing and connecting to who they are. And share the magic with me – because it’s all about connecting!

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