Dear Parents,
Many times you see your child in distress and you wish to help them or try to be a beacon of hope in their lives. There is undoubtedly, way too much stress placed on the heads of teenagers nowadays.
But as much as parents try to assist their kids, there will be times when you will fail them. And that’s okay! Everyone does err and no one always knows what to do. However, you can make a difference by knowing where you’re going wrong.
Recognizing your mistakes and learning from them is the first step to better parenting. After all, you are always improving and should never view yourself as a failure. Here are a couple of things you might be doing with 100% good intentions but they could be understood in the opposite manner by your child:
Trying To Help Too Much
Sometimes humans need some time off. This time is necessary for them to reflect, blow off steam and recollect their thoughts. It has been scientifically proven that everyday everyone should take some time off their job or studies because it’s healthy for the brain.
Now, parents if you’re trying to help your child there is only so much you can do. Guidance, comfort and confidence is what you can bring him/her but more than that would be intrusive. Learn to give your child space so they can contemplate and deeply understand your words better.
Remember to reach out after a while for when left alone for long periods of time, children can grow distant and moody.
DON’T Make It about Yourself
Parenting is no fun ride! It is tough and the road leading from it is full of bumps and potholes. It is no easy task, which is why many parents pick up a habit of blaming themselves.
They feel like inadequate and like a failure. It is key to remember that, that isn’t the truth or the reality of it. Everything in life comes with a struggle and if it does not, then you’re doing it wrong.
However, you blaming yourself in front of your kid only results in more chaos. If your kid is struggling with problems and they come to you, in search for guidance; and you feel like a failure and make the situation about yourself. Then chances are, your kid won’t come to you with their problems anymore.
They don’t want to handle the responsibility of upsetting you as well as themselves. They’ll just retreat and try to handle their issues themselves; which is wholly dangerous and unsafe for the kid.
Be On Their Side In Front Of The World
Regardless of how wrong your kid may be, never show your disapproval towards them in front of the world. Mistakes do happen from both your side and your kids’. But, it only adds fuel to their fiery anger when you decide to reprimand them in front of others.
This parenting tactic which is utilized by (surprisingly) many parents, results in very adverse effects on your child. Lowering their self-esteem, humiliating them and more than anything showing them that you aren’t on their side; will drive your kid miles away from you. Instead, choose to speak to them in private about their behavior. Protect them in front of the world and correct them in secret. This will spark a feeling of trust and reliance between you and your child which will get you two closer together.
An info graphic published on Bright Side also highlights how important it is to never tell your kid off in
front of others.
No Pity Parties From You
However hard parenting may be, never pity yourself in front of your own kid. Kids are naturally drawn to their parents and are quite attached to them regardless of the troubles life may impose. So, by pitying yourself in front of them; you are only causing them a deep inclination to fix all your issues.
However nice that may sound, it actually isn’t. In their tender age, your children should not be worrying or focusing on anything other than themselves. When you bring your issues on the table in front of them they are 100% likely to ignore their own problems for yours.
Highly dangerous and toxic; this habit is used in many households resulting in unhappy kids who would do anything to make their parents happy. Hence, forgetting their own dreams, goals and happiness only to please their parents.
Remind Them That “It’s Not a Big Deal”
Being a kid in this world is dangerous, scary and very daunting. It is natural for your child to feel lost, small and crushed by the overwhelming amount of responsibilities they have. It would be highly helpful for you to instead of pushing them around to do their responsibilities; to become their peace.
Remember to sit down with them every once in a while and talk to them freely about their issues. Create no boundaries for speech, and they shall keep nothing from you. Tell them multiple times how life will get easy and struggles are bound to happen for those who strive for good.
Keep their mind at ease and discourage the idea of overthinking and blowing things out of proportionality.
No Competition
Another mistake most parents make is when they compare their younger selves with their kids. Here’s a newsflash! Times have drastically changed. Back in the times of your youth, there were different situations. Easier ones.
Nowadays with dangerous political situations, increasing bullying rates, and stressful regulations for a successful future…etc life gets hard. In fact way harder than your times. So comparing your younger self with your kid will NOT push them to work harder because they’re already doing their best given the circumstances.
DO NOT compete with your child. It only sparks a feeling of inadequacy, hopelessness and worthlessness in the child.