When Setting Boundaries becomes Crucial to Live Happy
By Karen Habashi
It seems that as soon as you become pregnant, everyone has something to say about how you should parent, and guilt starts to grow from this point forward, the way you delivered can be judged, whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, and every single decision is either criticized or frowned upon by other parents.
Guilt seem to go hand in hand with parenting, and the pressure just mounts up, you somehow need to please people you just met, other moms on the local mom group, teachers and parents at your kids’ school, and you’re always on your tip toes because you need to filter every single action and word before it goes out there and becomes crushed and meticulously analyzed by the Gods of parenthood.
It’s hard enough to be under scrutiny from strangers, but when your inner circle becomes infiltrated, this takes the guilt to a whole new level.
One thing that was extremely hard for me, is to let go of toxic people I know, because I always do my best to give excuses, but sometimes you need to say enough is enough, especially when you invest too much of your time and energy with people who only want to take.
Don’t get me wrong, we all complain, we all have our own dramas sometimes, but a toxic person, is someone who has a problem for every solution you give, who wants only to talk about themselves and their problems, they put you down either directly or indirectly, like reminding you of your own weaknesses.
Growing up we all had our competitive spirit, but as you mature, you realize there is nothing worth competing or belittling someone else for.
Toxic people are mentally, physically and emotionally draining, you end up feeling worse by the time you leave the hangout, and next time they call or text, your heart just skips a beat because you don’t want to be around them.
We were told growing up that we should be nice, but is it okay to compromise your own health for what’s socially acceptable ?
Many recent studies showed the correlation between stress and health issues, both physical and mental health, stress can literally send you to the emergency room, yet we all let those toxic relationship affect us because we feel compelled to.
But I think enough is enough, for the sake of my children and myself, I decided to let go of toxic relationships, whether by blocking those people on social media, or telling them that our friendship is not working anymore, it made me feel lighter and happier.
Being a mother comes with its own set of hardships, you don’t need anyone no matter how close they are to drag you down even more, once I realized some relationships are making me worn down, and this in turn affects how I parent, or the amount of energy and mental clarity left in me, I decided to choose my family first.
Choose the people that build you up, that cheer you on, those people who you can count on when you fall to reach out for you out of love and kindness not to make you feel worse later on.
Humans are social creatures, we need people to grow and flourish, but we don’t need people around us to keep us walking on egg shells because they are so hard to deal with.
People who are always unhappy, will remain unhappy no matter what their situation is, and it’s not in your hands to change them, they see nothing wrong with themselves, so it’s better to just move on.