Worlds apart we exist. It wasn’t as I had planned. In fact, I had hoped to be friends. I was scoffed at my friends. My family was hopeful. In the end, it simply wasn’t my decision alone. He had decided I no longer existed. Truly, not an acknowledgement the last year of separation and currently. He chose to eradicate my existence.
Many can speculate for the many reasons why he may have made this choice, my ex. I no longer permit it to consume me. However, what I can say, without a doubt, the litigate process of divorce did much greater damage. I believe with all of my heart it was a large contributing factor to the demise of the relationship.
As I mourned the loss of the relationship, not only the marriage, but the relationship completely; I sought to help others in more effective and less emotionally damaging methods. As I searched, initially it was Divorce Recovery Coaching. Quite honestly, every other person is a coach. I desired to separate myself. I believe in the coaching process, but I felt I offered a unique set of skills as a Psychotherapist as well.
I chose to transition into Collaborative Law as a Facilitator. Hmm…what does this mean? Well, I will tell you it is FREEDOM in the divorce process. I will share the definition and benefits of collaborative divorce momentarily. But, let me tell you…it is a process of empowerment and healing unlike litigation will EVER be.
By definition, Collaborative law allows couples who have decided to end their marriage to work with lawyers, and other neutral professionals to avoid court and come to a fair settlement. Now, I can tell you, I am biased, but the ‘other’ neutral professional is someone like myself, a facilitator or a financial neutral. Some believe the neutrals may not be needed. I disagree. I believe the facilitator; a person with a counseling degree is highly beneficial in the healing and closure process. Anyways! What are the benefits?
It is much much much less expensive! Don’t miss that!
The collaborative process occurs in an informal setting. Often it is in the office of the lawyers.
There is less hostility and unresolved conflict. Conflict is reduced dramatically. Both parties agree to ground rules that include being respectful to the other.
It is COURT-FREE! This is empowering in itself. The judge doesn’t decide your fate! You do!
The collaborative process protects children. It permits the parents to make the best decision for the children rather than the lawyers and judge.
The focus of collaboration is resolution; therefore, it takes a fraction of the time as litigation. Most litigated divorces are a year or more! Mine was much longer than that. Years!
The Facilitator neutral creates an environment of healing and closure.
As you can see, it is a much healthier process that allows each of the parties to reach a settlement that is fair. It is a process that is creative and allows room for multiple options. Vote Collaborative Divorce!