Belonging vs. Authenticity

A "Kondo" for the Soul

Thrive invites voices from many spheres to share their perspectives on our Community platform. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team, and opinions expressed by Community contributors do not reflect the opinions of Thrive or its employees. More information on our Community guidelines is available here.
Maureen Calamia

I need to write today about this subject of belonging. It goes very deep into personal places for me. And it may be for you, too.

This morning I read an IG post by @kontomble_medicine and it inspired me to think about this. Why is it that we need to belong?

It’s a very primal need. For most of human history, if we were an outcast we had little chance for survival. That’s where I believe it stems from. Our very survival.

But I’m starting to realize that my desire to belong is at odds with my desire to live an authentic life. To do what I’m here to do…to fully express my soul’s purpose.

Stepping into our authentic selves requires us to step outside the welcoming circle. To step outside of our comfort zone. To question the status quo. To see beyond…what could be. But when we do this we enter the unknown…of not belonging anymore.

We see what is transforming on a subtle level.

Sometimes it’s not so subtle…

Just the other day, a young woman told me that she participated in a ceremony to claim her power. The following day, she came down with a migraine and stomach virus that lasted nearly three days. She said, half-laughingly, “I swear that it was the ceremony that did it to me!”

My response was yes, indeed. The up-shift in her energy required that she clear out the old. She was required to “kondo” her energetic body.

Then what happens? We are challenged to stay there and reaffirm our ideas and beliefs.

It takes tenacity, strength and confidence.

But the pull to belong is so strong, many of us step back into the circle, half laugh-off our ideas. Or we water down our ideas to make them more palatable, more socially acceptable.

But then we are no longer in our creative and inspired selves. We sell out.

For some of us, we go back and forth. We step out, then back in out of fear of survival. It’s a dance. But we cannot keep it up for long…before we are made to commit.

Where are you? Have you committed? I have, but it’s a process.

When I realize that I’m not fitting in I have to remind myself that I don’t really want to fit in. I want to stand out, but not just for the sake of being noticed. I want to stand out for integrity and authenticity of who I am.

It that means others don’t get me, if I don’t belong, well that will be fine.

The next step is finding our new circle, our new community. And from my own experience, once you take this leap you will be surprised how many wonderful, luminous souls are outside the circle looking for you!

What has been your experience? I would love to hear from you.

You might also like...


Nurturing A Sense Of Belonging

by Cleelia Uudam Costa
Source: Helena Lopes, Unsplash

The Transformational Power of Belonging

by Rachel Druckenmiller, MS
Getty Images

Our Kids Come First: Four Entrepreneur Dads Share How They Promote Familial Belonging, Discuss Mental Health with Their Kids, and Move into the Future

by Donna Tetreault
We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.