What a crazy week.
Somehow, crazier than the ones before it.
I’m having trouble with the guilt I’m feeling about not putting my energy into my business the way I feel I should be, guilt about not being fully present or patient with my children, guilt about all the things. All with no energy to do anything particularly useful with these feelings.
Stretched to my limits as a mama, a lover, a coach, I feel like I’m dropping balls all over the place. I just can’t seem to keep up with the demand for me, my skills or my time. I feel unreliable… flakey.
I struggle with the idea that I’m not as efficient as I once was, that it takes me longer to get back to people now, and I fear I’m not as “professional” as I was before I had children.
But here’s the truth: I’m tired. Done. And in that, the only way we can really be present for anyone is to stop. Is to take a few moments to pause, breathe and ask, “what would nourish me?” To honour the response of our bodies.
Sometimes that means we shift our commitments, we don’t get back to people “on time”, sometimes it means simply admitting that we need that rest, and taking it at the cost of other important things.
Sometimes it means seeming what’s perceived as “unprofessional” in the eyes of others.
This is what needs to be done to ensure we can be who and how we want to be in our lives – connected, loving, loved, present.
In the end, that’s what allows us to do good work in the world anyway.
The battles between who we are now, who we have been in our work in the past, how we’ve performed and how we want to show up going forward is so real. How do we reconcile all these different versions of ourselves? I know I’m not the only woman feeling the pressure of delivering – at home, in the workplace, in her own life.
It’s almost manic, all the hats we juggle and wear just to keep our universes spinning around us. But what if the most elegant solution were the simple (though perhaps not easy) one?
Imagine we could just be ourselves. In all realms – mother, lover, employee, boss, daughter. Imagine that were enough. In fact, more than enough, imagine it were the only way forward.
I’ve decided on this huge, important fact…
AUTHENTICITY IS THE NEW PROFESSIONALISM.
In a world seemingly lacking true connection and a shortage of truth tellers, this is how we can best serve.
With authenticity.
Rawness.
By showing the realities and talking about the things that we feel we can’t, but that we all need clarity on, connection over and understanding in.
In fact, I’m not sure I can or want to be any other way anymore.
It’s too much, to hide the fatigue, to keep pretending and performing like I did before I had children. That’s just not the reality we live in anymore.
So on this day, here I am.
Done.
But showing up fully.
As me.
Are you with me?