Today I want to take you on a brief excursion into your mind. I know that you know your mind and what goes in there already (much better than me). However, I hope this brief excursion will enable you to look (or get a sneak peek) into some corners and shelves in your subconscious that you have been passing by, unaware of their presence within you.
– Lets think about one big thing that bothers you at the moment. What is it? – doesn’t really matter. It can be a situation at work, a relationship problem, a financial one or stuckness in your creative endeavors.
– Now, while being aware of this problem, try to picture your most desirable solution to it as vividly as possible. What will it look like, that which you want to be the ultimate (re)solution of this issue?
– When you arrive at a point in your mind where you have a good solid picture of this perfect (re)solution, I want you to capture all the feelings, emotions, attitudes that you feel in this regard. If you stay there calmly and persistently, picturing yourself and absorbing it all with every fiber of your being, you will be able to detect/identify one distressing element – also a feeling – associated with this ‘perfect’ outcome.
– Believe it or not, when you go to that perfect place where you have a handsome, successful, loving and caring boyfriend, or get a promotion as a young promising manager in such-n-such department, when you finally get 10 kilograms skinnier – in each and every case you should be able to detect that subtle feeling of uneasiness, anxiety, perhaps fear or worry of some sort.
Why are we doing this? Well, you probably know by now that I am a big proponent of educating ourselves on the role and importance of our subconscious, as well as the need to explore various techniques and avenues that allow us to really understand and ‘see’ the actual (real) content of our subconscious mind. Why? I believe, based on my own experience and observations that nothing in my reality happens without the approval, acceptance and validation of my own subconscious mind. In other words, no matter how hard I try, how much I try, what talents I have and how great I look or how amazing I can be with people, NOTHING (no good, no result, no situation or solution) can break through the contradicting patterns and deeply rooted beliefs in my subconscious and enter my reality. Subsequently, I insist that in order to bring about the changes and results you desire into your reality, besides the very important actions and pursuits of physical nature, you have to dig deeper and ensure that that which you desire and want is allowed, accepted, perceived as possible and desirable outcome for you also on the subconscious level.
Can you remember one thing that you really wanted, made efforts to pursue it, and it has worked? Well, it can be said that in this case, the event/result/outcome in question was allowed and approved by your subconscious. Your subconscious did not have any serious blocks, reservations, fears or other negative attachments and limiting beliefs associated with the result.
However, many of us can also name situations where we are hitting an iron wall. It is as though we are placed in a glass jar, observing a world where there is enough jobs (for some), enough love (for some), enough money (for some), enough creativity and rewards of creative expression (for some), enough attention and friendship (for some), while we feel powerless, stuck and unable to change the status quo, or to progress towards our objectives in any meaningful way. In some cases, it is because our deliberate plans and numerous efforts do not work. In other cases, we cannot even pull our act together and make the necessary action happen. It is when we come up with zillions of excuses instead and literally postpone that which is essential for the outcome we say we want.
In such cases, the only way I could ever meaningfully explain such stuckness is through analyzing the content of our minds. What do you really truly believe about yourself, about life, about relationships, about money, about your worth and value, and just how much good and happiness do you think you deserve => these are the most fundamental questions which we have to be able to answer honestly and fully. Fundamentally, it is not enough that I THINK I deserve money, deserve to be loved and promoted and published (put whatever it is you are stuck with here). It is not enough to say that you want this and that, that you really deserve and expect all that good stuff happening to you.
The most fundamental element (that will predetermine the results and manifestations in your life) is that which you TRULY BELIEVE in, what you are absolutely convinced about and believe to be true for you on the subconscious level. And if you are hitting an iron wall, and if getting from point A to point B has become a painfully dramatic nightmare of crawling and dragging yourself through and just getting by, then I can say with confidence that there is that belief, that thought, that limiting idea that is literally keeping this good thing away from happening.
To make things more understandable, and to make my (somewhat radical) position on this clearer to you, let me share a personal example below.
Personal drama of searching and never finding a decent job:
I feel stuck for quite some time now. I am stuck, because that which was the love of my life, the core accomplishment of my life which has finally made me worthy and good enough for the attention and approval of some cool people, that which has finally enabled me to buy and enjoy the good things I never had – my JOB! has been taken away from me. Slowly but clearly I started to realize that job success, independence, ability to earn my own money and acquiring good clothes and flashy items – has become an important part of my identity, the only identity which I was ever really comfortable with. I could wear that identity and feel less vulnerable and less unworthy. With that identity, this cloak of success and OKness, I could walk around and feel almost invincible.
After taking a long break for further advanced studies and building a family, I am finally ready to go back to work and to kick some major ass. But guess what happened? There is no work for me, nobody gives a shit about my talents and amazing personality, and I hit the iron wall I was mentioning above for over five years. I did some random jobs, much below my initial ambitions and much further away from the areas I am officially trained for.
Tired of hitting the wall, confused, depressed and literally sitting on the rock bottom of my self-esteem, I commit to CHANGE my life. I am already tired of blaming the economy, because economy hasn’t touched many of my friends and former colleagues. I no longer believe myself when I say I am in the wrong city with a wrong background, because every now and then I come across very successful people whose background has nothing to do with what they are now doing (and doing it quite well too). I resent sending yet another application to what seems to be a ‘perfect fit for me’ kind of a job, because I know that no one gives a damn, and in the couple of weeks I will get a ‘no-reply’ email from them, thanking me for my application but…..
Being me, I know that there is some explanation to this within myself. I don’t like to admit it, I am screaming at life, at God, at the universe and whoever or whatever is in charge of everything, saying I have done enough, and I just want this job and money (as well as some feeling of safety). Why should it be so hard? Why should it be so painful? Why is it taking so long? Why should I pay such a high price and feel ashamed and humiliated to be dealing with being unwanted, unnoticed and ignored?
So here I am, at my very lowest, ever. I accept that I am responsible for this. I accept that I am not a mere observer of my reality. I know somewhere deep within that I am allowing, and maybe even insisting that things in my reality turn out this (and not any other) way for me. I am in agony and waiting for a miracle to happen. I want for things to change suddenly and for a new job to literally fall on my head on the street. But this honest, calm, persistent part in my mind insists that the answers are within, and nothing will fall on my head unless I do some digging and get my hands dirty.
With a heavy feeling on my chest, I move forward. The questions I ask myself that eventually lead me to dis-covering (and realizing) my self-imposed and voluntarily accepted blocks and limitations are:
– Why do I need to be stuck? Why do I need to be unemployed? Why is it so important for me not to get a job? Why is it so important for me to be stuck, unemployed, isolated and alone? What for? What for am I insisting that I need to remain stuck, unemployed, isolated from other professional and successful people, feeling lost and inferior? Why and what for?
And I start to write. The answers seem very weird and they do not make sense at first. I simply let go and continue to write. Finally, the words and phrases pour out of me and I say, that even though I may not have a job and money of my own:
· I have a real dream; a dream to do something that is authentic, valuable and true to who I really am, why I came here to this world and what I want to leave behind (Deeply rooted core belief about work #I: so my actual purpose and joy in life has nothing to do with the jobs I have been applying for)
· I do not have to suck it up, and deal with various idiots at work who are hard to please, who are unprofessional, who like to exploit others or are simply skating by while all the work and burden lies on ‘us’. Oh I’ve seen them all I say to myself (Deeply rooted core belief about work #II: I am already convinced that no matter what job, what position, or in which company, the new job is all about sucking it up and suffering)
At the end of this writing exercise, I look in horror at my own deeply rooted beliefs, the actual convictions and images I hold deep within regarding that job, the very same job which I have been chasing and wanting, but never getting. And it goes as follows:
Getting the job I want, even the most well-paid and most desirable position in the best company in my city inevitably means suffering, pain, fear of disapproval, sense of imprisonment, sense of inadequacy and a daunting fear that I may not be good enough for them, that they may not be good enough for me, the money may not be worth all of this sucking up, constant paralyzing fear of failing and a danger of feeling deeply ashamed of myself as a result. Putting in a simple formula, I can safely conclude that (while I am beating myself-up over this job and desperately pursue it on the surface) for my subconscious mind:
NEW JOB= constant fear + anxiety + stress + sucking up+being challenged by people + fear of disapproval and criticism for not being good enough + suffering + humiliation + possible failure and shame; this new job is perceived as a major threat to my inner peace and happiness, if you like.
I have been led to my core, dominant subconscious beliefs about this job through my feelings. You can always feel your way through into your subconscious, as behind every nagging feeling of uneasiness or anxiety stands that belief, that thought, that truth which is preventing you from getting where you say you want to be.
Is it any wonder, then, that I would not let this new job into my life? Is it any wonder that some wiser, deeper, more powerful and instinctively protective part of me (which our subconscious IS) would not want to ‘go there’?
So what do I do now? Give up? Conclude that working sucks by definition and equals to slavery, and I should find other ways to feel good and happy in life?
Firstly, going down this way, the way of honestly looking within and going beyond the excuses and masks has brought me to a realization that even before and even without that non-existent new job, I already have all of those fears and negative experiences within me. I am already anxious, afraid, feel as though I may not ever be good enough for the kind of position or role that I have always envisioned for myself. I know how hard it is for me to accept a slight, even most constructive criticism. I know how defeated and heavy I feel when things do not go as planned. I know how I have, habitually and continuously convinced myself and accepted that I am simply not good enough on some fundamental level, at my very core. To me, it feels threatening and challenging to walk into a new organization, new group of people and hold-up this façade of a competent, professional, confident and worthy individual.
Secondly, it is not a new job in question that will bring or create those awful experiences or emotions for me. It will, however, simply and inevitably act as a trigger, and I will get into situations where my existing buttons (limiting beliefs about myself, my self-perception, the issues I have with how worthy or deserving I truly am) will be pushed. Instinctively, I know that going to that new place/position with the existing core beliefs about myself and my perception of myself is going to be awfully problematic and painful.
It is impossible for the new job to come and BE GOOD for me, as I perceive myself now.
It is not possible for a confident, successful and charismatic man to enter your life and love you madly, while you will freak-out every time a ‘prettier’ girl enters a room, and you secretly wonder why would anybody in their right mind ever want to be with someone like you.
It is not possible for a world to ever listen to your views and thoughts, to see your paintings or read your poems, if you only give out the refined, triple-edited and censored voice of your artistic self, constantly suppressed and judged by your inner critique.
It is not ever possible for money, material wellbeing and prosperity to come to you and to be experienced by you, if at the core of your being you live with a conviction that money, particularly ‘big money’ and good life require nearly inhuman sacrifices, efforts, cosmic talents, military discipline and excruciatingly hard work.
These are just ideas, just some thoughts we have internalized and accepted along the way. Some of them seem uncontestably true to us, but if you look around, you will see that there are many people to whom these rules and formulas do not apply. This is a call to know ourselves, to know those core laws, rules and formulas that we have accepted and allowed them to govern our lives. Knowing them, looking them in the face, please remember that you and only you have the power and authority to cancel them, and to replace them with the new truths that will rule your world.
I believe that it becomes easy for all the good to come to us, when this good stands witness and complies with the sacred truths within us about ourselves. In other words, it is easier for the desired results and changes to come to us, when they correspond to the inner belief in our worth, our strength, our freedom, our ability and right to be here and to express ourselves, to be heard and to create the life we have reasons to value. And you can always change your mind about yourself. You can always change the dominant ideas and unlock those heavy chains of your self-perception. It is easy for all the good in the world to come to us when that achievement or stuff confirms the goodness and worth in me that I already believe in and insist upon no matter what.
Let us not be misled and think that having that job, making this much money, being in a relationship with this person, or attaining a slimmer body will finally ‘make’ us lovable and worthy. The inner knowledge and insistence on our worthiness, goodness and that we deserve to be loved will always have to come first for our life to work. And that is always a matter of choice.
P.S. I must say that after the years and years of searching, reading, exploring and asking questions, I have come across a simple tool that is the best assistant on my journey to self-discovery and unleashing my potential, and living a fulfilling life <3
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