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Apparently, he’s just not that into you

“he’s just not that into you” has been one of my favorite movies since I saw it in theaters with my girlfriends in college. I’m going to refrain from saying which character I identify with the most (*cough* Gigi), but for the past 10 years this movie has been my guidebook to dating. I have […]

“he’s just not that into you” has been one of my favorite movies since I saw it in theaters with my girlfriends in college. I’m going to refrain from saying which character I identify with the most (*cough* Gigi), but for the past 10 years this movie has been my guidebook to dating. I have seen it countless times, and the lessons are funny but so dead on.

When it comes to dating, I know that I, like so many others, have heard the regular excuses: “I’m super busy,” “I’m tired,” “I’m working,” or have simply fallen prey to the unfortunate ghosting scenario. Over the years, however, I’ve been thrown a few curve balls that have just made me cock my head and say, “…..I’m sorry, what?”

Here is a compilation of my favorite “he’s just not that into you” lines I have personally received, and I promise the following quotes are from real men in real-life dating situations. I hope these make you laugh as much as they did for me!

My Top 10 “he’s just not that into you” lines:

10) “Hey I’m not going to be able to make it tonight. It was so hot today.”
{Dude, we live in Fresno. It’s hot every day.}

9) “I really do wish you all the best and hope that you are finding contentment in the one place that it can be found.”
{….Jesus?…}

8) “I like to plan out my week by close of business day Monday. I didn’t hear from you by then, so maybe we can shoot for early next week?”
{Am I a dentist appointment?}

7) “I’m a little behind with work so I probably won’t be free to see you for about a month or two.”
{Who is literally behind a month or two at work??}

6) “I’ve had opportunities to call or text you. But I’ve spent my alone time lost in my head.”
{This probably worked out for the best.}

5) “I’ll be honest and say I do stalk you on Facebook from time to time.”
{Coming from the guy who is engaged…Great.}

4) “I think our time of apologies has passed.”
{A little humility can go a long way.}

3) “I think I’m looking for a single mom, but I’d still like to get to know you as friends.”
{Umm I’m going to call, “Red Flag” on this one.}

2) “I know, we really are great together. And I’ve come to the conclusion there isn’t going to be anyone that has ALL the qualities that make us work well, it’s just like this person I can be witty with and this person I can be intellectual with but nothing all at once, like us. Oh but we can’t date, it just wouldn’t work.”
{Because that obviously makes a lot of sense.}

1) “I think we both had really high expectations going into this. And I’ll be honest, those expectations for me just weren’t met. I mean, I didn’t even have a desire to kiss you.”
{Me too, buddy. Me too.}

And, just for kicks, as far as pickup lines go, this one just can’t be beat:

“Hey babe. My name’s Lance, but you can call me Chester.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve found humor is the best medicine, and as Gigi would so rightly say as “he’s just not that into you” comes to a close:

“Sometimes, we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs – how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.  And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy.  Maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over; freeing yourself up for something better in the future.  Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.  Or, maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment –

“You never gave up hope.”

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