I’ve been married over 18 years, so I am not one to give advice on dating.
What I can tell you is that even as a married gal, I want to be seen as an attractive person.
My fun, flirty, party girl persona is something I started in high school, along with drinking.
I wanted the fun part to continue when I got sober.
I thought drinking and fun went together, but I was wrong.
I want to be the kind of person men want to be with and women want to be like.
I have many other mentors in my life that are these kind of people.
They are attractive and magnetic.
They have a positive vibe that draws you into their orbit.
We are pulled toward celebrities with this quality.
Chrissy Teigen, amiright?
As a young girl navigating first crushes and kisses, alcohol was my magic elixir.
It gave me the liquid courage needed to stand at a party filled with intimidating upperclassmen.
It eased the shakes of teenage self consciousness.
Alcohol gave me the nerve to talk to boys!
It gave me a fuzzy fog to push away my own feelings of irritation, when the the boys didn’t meet my expectations.
As someone who used alcohol to cope with all my feelings, it was always a bit of a third wheel in relationships.
Or maybe the boys were the third wheel, getting the way of my love affair with alcohol?
Either way, alcohol was omnipresent.
A big fear I had in getting sober was that I would no longer be seen as the fun, flirty girl when I got boring, sad, and sober.
I was afraid no one would find me attractive to hang out with anymore.
Not my girlfriends, not strangers at a party, and maybe not even my trusty husband.
I didn’t know that sober was sexy, despite the hashtags.
I am here to tell you that #soberissexy is totally true.
This is coming from me, a sober skeptic.
As a drinker, I was insecure.
I was desperate for attention.
I needed to be loved and adored by others to fill the bottomless, not enoughness, hole in my heart.
As an empowered sober woman, I am confident.
I know how to meet my own needs, and I no longer abandon myself for others.
Trust me, this is really hot.
As a drinker, I could be messy, sloppy, slurry.
This is not attractive.
It’s just not.
Watch a drunk person try to be sexy and you know what I am talking about.
As a sober person, I don’t have to try that hard.
I have my wits about me, and I smell better too.
I am safe and predictable, reliable and trustworthy.
Safe is sexy.
I have the time and energy to take care of myself now.
My authenticity shines through.
As a drinker, I was always trying to cover myself up.
Cover up my shame, my guilt, and my over drinking.
I worked really hard to make it look like I had it all together.
My eyes are brighter, my teeth are whiter since living alcohol free.
Getting enough sleep, fresh air, vegetables, and movement does wonders for the way you look.
Staying away from poisoning myself daily has it some real noticeable benefits.
I am now a business owner, and aligned with myself in my career.
I wake up with passion and creativity on the daily.
You can’t help but want to be in the good energy of someone living out their dreams.
The biggest sober flex?
Outgrowing the need for approval from people that were never good enough to you anyway.
I was so worried about what the others would think about me when I was drinking.
I was constantly trying to fit my round self in a notion of their square hole.
Being sober has shifted my goals.
I now prioritize what I think as the most important opinion and relationship of all.