As a mom of 3 who has been on a path of self-discovery, personal development and spiritual awakening, it’s merely impossible to not want to model a new way for my children. It took me 30 some years to truly understand who I am and what I stand for. I hope to be able to help my children achieve this earlier in life.
You see, my parents raised me the best they could with the information and knowledge they had and I’ve been doing the same since my daughter made me a mom over 13 years ago! Since the moment she came into this world, I’ve strived to be my best and do my best, and although I may fail at times, I get back up and continue to do the best I can each day. I continue to grow, learn and share my knowledge with them on a daily basis.
In a world where success is defined by the amount of money you make, the material things you own and how much you can do, I want my children to value something different. I want my children to know there’s a different way, a more aligned way and to understand how they can achieve that. I want them to define their own success, not by what they have, but by who they are.
In a world where people tend to put others down to raise themselves up, a world where people are in constant competition with each other, I want my children to know we are all one and that we rise by lifting each other up.
In a world filled with greed, jealousy, hate, judgement and destruction, I want my children to live a life of love, generosity, kindness, understanding and non judgement.
I desire to lead by example. I have no desire for them to follow in my path, but rather I desire for them to create their own path along side me. I want them to grow up being good humans that know who they are at their core and never stray from that. I want them to live their best lives every day, whatever that looks like for them.
My deepest desire for them now, is to understand the true meaning of their life, their true values. I want them to understand the power they house within, the possibilities that are open to them. As difficult as it may be for them to grasp the entirety of this, the seeds that I sow and look after will sprout and bloom, and that is the beauty of it all.
It’s not easy when everything and everyone around you is promoting something different, it’s not easy to be your authentic self when society is trying to entrain you to fit into the “box”. It’s not easy when you feel the pressure of friends or family to be someone you’re not. I want my children to grow up knowing that they never have to do anything that isn’t in alignment with who they are, that showing up authentically and integrity with themselves is of utmost importance.
I take great pride in who I am and my mission, this wasn’t always my truth. I spent many years trying to fit into that “box” because I was programmed to think that was the only way. They will know that there are as many ways as they can think of.
Here are 6 things that I focus on every day with my children to help them flourish into the conscious beings that they are.
Gratitude
Being grateful isn’t something that I was brought up with. Sure we said thank you, but it wasn’t the type of gratitude I’m talking about here. Every day I model gratitude for my kids, when they’re watching and when they are not. I wake up each morning grateful for life, grateful for the sun, the rain, the stars, energy, my body, all of it and I share that with them. Typically at dinner I’ll ask them what they are grateful for and the more we do this, the longer & more meaningful their list becomes… I LOVE that! I’ve explained to them that it’s not only about saying the words and meaning them, but it’s also about the feeling they have when they think about what they are grateful for. It’s not an easy concept at this age, but I know that the more we show gratitude, the more we find to be grateful for. Doing this instills a practice that will become second nature to them. Sometimes they complain about something because, like you and I, they’re human, and I’ll remind them of all the things they should be grateful for, just as I do myself. Gratitude is an amazing tool and skill and when you begin using it day in and day out, it truly changes the way you look at things.
Unconditional Love
This one is important, yet it is not what is commonly taught in our society. Unconditional love for ourselves and others. I deeply desire for my children to love themselves unconditionally, no matter what they do or where they are! This isn’t an easy task, I should know it’s something I’m still working at mastering. Only when we are able to love ourselves in this way can we offer the same level of love to others. Removing expectations and judgement is key and every day, with each little lesson, we get to embody this more and more. Imagine a world where everyone would love unconditionally????
Kindness
Being kind is basic, I know, yet so many don’t focus on what that means or looks like in our every day lives. We are all equal, we are all human and I want my children to be kind to everyone regardless of who they are, where they’re from, what their status is. I want my children to understand that kindness will create more kindness. Teaching them that they need to be kind even when someone may not be so kind to them. Helping them understand that those that try to hurt us, are also hurting inside. I invite them to be kind when no one else is. I ask them to be kind, even when no one is looking. An example I’ll use is gossip, especially with my girls, I tell them that they should stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. That if them standing up for others means they lose friends, they weren’t really friends to begin with.
Boundaries
Being a good human doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. It doesn’t mean that you stand down when someone isn’t of the same opinion of you, it doesn’t mean that you take on others hurt. Setting boundaries and protecting our energy is of utmost importance and I work on this every day with my children. I’ve told them that it’s necessary to have healthy boundaries. It’s important for them to know that you don’t have to participate in every argument you’re invited to, it’s important for them to understand that they need to make themselves unavailable for the things that aren’t in alignment with who they are or what they stand for. It’s hard sometimes to understand what that looks like when you’re 8, 11 & 13. I try my best to teach them how to create these boundaries every day. Every time I model this for them and talk to them about it, they can understand it that much better.
Energy Is Everything
As children, we aren’t taught that everything is energy and that what we put out is what we get in return. So for me, it is paramount that this be part of what I model for them. When they complain or they are being negative, I stop them in their tracks and explain how their negative comments or their complaining will change nothing to the situation but simply attract more of the same. So I help them rephrase often and I help them have a different perspective. My children know Wayne Dyer’s saying “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change” by heart, because their mama is always using it to redirect not only them but herself and her clients! Lol. It gets redundant and I know they don’t always want to hear it, but I know that it has a positive impact. I want them to understand that the more negativity they harness, the more they create. I talk to them often about being conscious of their thoughts and tell them that they can shift in any moment, if they choose to do so. I’ve taught them and continue to teach them the “3” rule! If they find themselves thinking 1 negative thought, they have to come up with 3 positives on the spot. Although I know they don’t do this all day every day, each time they do do it, they are that much closer to mastery. I try to show them that our thoughts become words, which become actions, which in turn affect our reactions. We are always in control if we choose to be. We are in control of the energies we put out and what we allow in. I can’t stress how important this is for them to understand at a young age.
Being
In a society where multi-tasking Is promoted, where the more you do, the more you’re valued, I want my children to value stillness. I want them to see value in just being. Yes, it’s important to do, but it’s equally if not more important to be. We’ve been taught and programmed to think that stillness is laziness. We got it all wrong. In stillness we can gain clarity. In stillness we learn to know who we truly are. We can accomplish so much more in stillness than people can comprehend. I want my kiddos to know the value in that. I want them to understand that stillness is vital to our wellbeing. Each day I encourage them to be still with themselves, no electronics, no books, no games, just being still. Whether we do a 10 minute meditation together or they go to their rooms for 10 minutes or they take a walk in the woods (behind the house where I can see them by themselves…it’s all about them harnessing their abilities to connect within. It’s all about them discovering what works for them. This is a skill that so many lack. It took me over 30 years to be able to do this and it’s still a challenge at times. This skill is priceless.
You see, I don’t expect perfection of myself or others. I’ve long ago forgone the idea of perfection and I want my children to understand that progress will win the race every day. I want my children to understand the meaning of aligning; mind, body & soul and I want them to embody that.
This may not be the norm, but it’s my norm. I don’t care if it’s popular or if it’s not. These are some of the values I desire to instill in my children. These are skills that I believe are powerful and that no money can buy. My way isn’t THE way, but my hope is that they will use these tools to create their own way, one that will make them happy. One that will help them see that their lives are abundantly beautiful and that they are always enough. My deepest desire for my children is that they live a life of bliss where they can show up in this world as their true selves. That they assign more value to the type of person they are rather than what they have. I want them to create their lives with purpose and integrity. I want them to understand what unconditional love is and to live in that space.
It may not always be perfect, but I’m just a mom, doing the best she can with what she has and what she knows, in this moment, and THAT to me is enough.
Love & Light,
Jen