Janice, “Never take credit for your child’s achievements. It is all them. You teach them right from wrong, and they choose their path.” Tip 3
I must admit, I got a little stuck on Janice’s tip #3, advising “Never to take credit for your child’s achievements.” I had to rethink my pride, maybe ego, as I’m known to take both credit and blame.
I’m just so super proud of my effort and outcomes, at times, I bask in the glory of it all. On the flip side, I’m also extra critical of my shortcomings, and missed steps. I bake ’til crispy when my imperfect parenting is detected.
I do appreciate Janice’s point, and recognize our kids have the final say. As a struggling teen once told me, “We all have to ‘roll’ our own.” Sometimes I bask, other times bake. Regardless, my influence fades as it should, even if it sucks, it’s also liberating – another parenting paradox!
I guess I feel, I put in so much, I want ‘props.’ I give all us Moms much credit, and high praise, despite individual outcomes. I hold a belief that we’re all trying our very best, and “when we know better, we do better.” (Maya Angelou).
Sadly, all too many Moms ‘bake in blame’ that is wrongly claimed, or assigned. As it’s been said, “A Mom can only be as happy as her saddest child.” That’s a tough one.
There are a few things that can block even the most valiant parenting efforts: personal choice, peers, addiction, and mental health. These snakes can slither around and sabotage the most elaborate and well-meaning parental plans.
Sometimes a Mom can get it all right, and it can still turn out all wrong. The journey through Motherhood is terrifyingly, joy-filled, and not for the weak-of-heart.
These days I take less credit, but continue to hold much pride. Luckily, the “snake” of personal choice has been ever-present in Michael’s world. In hindsight, it is clear his personal choices have lead to his great success.
Michael’s choices are all to his credit. He has made courageous and ambitious decisions. He is mindful, strategic, and far-sighted. His journey has been more colorful, more interesting, and more admirable than I ever could have decided for him. His decisions are solid, grouded, and rational – words I would not use to describe my own.
As the days pass, I take less credit, and deserve less credit. The pride, well that builds, and builds, and builds.
You really got me thinking on that one! Maybe I’m learning, eh Janice?