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51 of 100 Moms – What if…

I search for meaning and work to build strength.

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Bonnie, “Absolutely DON’T sweat the small stuff. It all works out in the end.” Tip 8

Maybe that saying, is in part based on the knowledge that “Mom” is, in the end, working it all out? Funny, at times I find the sentiment comforting, then at times condescending.  Guess it depends on me, or intention, or tone, or messenger?

I remember when Michael was a small boy, and I was told he needed glasses. I called my Mom crying. I said, “I don’t want him to be different. I don’t want the kids to make fun of him.” Oh my! My Mother had something to say about the “small stuff” then.

One day I was told he had crouping cough, it was terrible and he was hospitalized. I was heart broken. On another day I was told he had pneumonia, on another asthma. Another day 4/20 on his homework! Small stuff to some, but sure not small stuff to me.  Little did I know, one day it would be small stuff, very small.

Experience with “stuff” sometimes determines the magnitude of the “stuff.” In those days, I had no experience. Much of the small stuff was big stuff, to me. Over the years, stuff has gotten much bigger, fortunately so did my capacity.

Either way, in my case, some gentle reassurance is always appreciated. I take from the message a reminder to trust in myself. On occasion, despite a great deal of evidence, I still forget about my mad skills and proven abilities in many areas of uncertainty.

I continue to hold hope it will all work out, while holding a working knowledge that sometimes it doesn’t. If it doesn’t work out, and things get really scary, I dig for focus and friendship.

I have found, believing in myself, not the outcome of any given situation, is the key. In my experience, when it doesn’t work out, it’s up to us Moms to work it out as best as we can. Things didn’t always get easier, but I got stronger.

Bonnie’s tip, makes more sense in retrospect. When the dust settles, the storm subsides, and with the passage of time, I can see much has worked out. I can also identify, in other cases, friends and family have help us to “work it out.”

Today I know this, tomorrow I may not.

I’ve found the world to be both cruel and beautiful, relentless and forgiving, tragic and wonderful.  Many situations, and circumstances, are unpredictable. What is predictable, the world waits for no one. It continues to spin.

There is no worldly complaint counter, no CEO to the earth, no executive in charge of karma, and no political or spiritual leader that will sort out perceived, or justified, injustices. I must find a way to cope, deal with, and most importantly accept. It has been one of my life’s greatest lessons. It is so, so hard.

I would summarize by saying, if things are not “working out,” seek until you find some answers that may bring you a little closer to “working things out.” If things can’t be “ok,” I hope, in time, you can be “ok.”

One piece of advice I was given, during some of the biggest “stuff,” when my Mom passed away, “Things don’t get easier, but they do get different.” In great loss, and through others, I’ve learned to incorporate sadness into my life. The pain has not lessened, the ache is still great, but it is different.

I search for meaning. I work to build strength.

In losing my Mom, I’ve found comfort in carrying her lessons and her legacy in all I do. She is in how I love my son, my nieces, and how I conduct myself. I think of her when I move forward in spite of my weak knees and heavy heart. Mom continues to teach me, to be with me, but it is different. It is still not ok.

It is out of respect for her life I continue to develop my own.

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