“Say yes now and figure it out later!”
As part of my series about the “5 Things You Need to Know to Survive And Thrive After A Divorce” I had the pleasure of interviewing Randi Levin.
Randi Levin founder & CEO, Randi Levin Coaching — who is a nationally recognized transitional life strategist, Fortune 500 keynote, author, and reinvention expert. She supports emerging entrepreneurs and women in transition in redefining their legacy so that they move from wanting success to living successfully. Randi is a legacy catalyst employing the power of today to curate, design, and drive choice and limitless growth. Randi Levin Coaching is widely quoted and featured in top media outlets, podcasts, radio, and women’s panels. You may have seen her in Thrive Global, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Business Insider, American Express OPEN Forum, Working Mother Magazine, Better After 50, or Covey Club. Randi is the creator of The Personal Success Accelerator System and a contributing author in the anthology series Get RESULTS!
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
My story is relatable for so many because for years it was my own fears that robbed me of the professional success I sought. I spent 15+ years in Corporate America as a merchandiser, and when my children were born I had a long tenure as a stay-at-home super mom. Coaching is my third chapter and my own mid-life pivot! For years I believed that I had to choose between personal and professional me. I was convinced that I could not be a powerhouse stay-at-home mom AND a sought-after entrepreneur. I thought I could only do one OR the other well, a concept stemming from limiting beliefs that my dad shared with me while I was in college. As my kids got older I found myself struggling with the concept of legacy. I was rolling toward a big birthday and I felt that I had not stepped into or flushed out my own space and purpose in the world. So, I asked myself one powerful question that changed everything. That question was, “If it were 10 years ago and nothing was holding you back or stopping you…what would you do?” It is the answer to that question that changed my life! I knew that I wanted my own business, that I wanted to support women in transition, that I wanted a platform to keynote, write, and share my expertise. Randi Levin Coaching was born and with it, I redefined my legacy on my own terms. Today, as a thought leader, I coach others on the power of the word AND, on catching a thief called fear, on successful segues into new businesses and next chapters, and on the idea of using legacy as a powerful tool for change and renewal in the current moment.
Can you explain to our readers why you are an authority about “divorce”?
I am a child of divorce and an authority on transition. https://RandiLevinCoaching.com.
Divorce has an echo. While that echo does not define you, it does revisit you throughout your life. I support clients and audiences in successfully aligning with a renewed and whole version of themselves as they transition from WE to ME. There is no greater disruption in life than divorce. Divorce changes everything from relationship status, to finances, to family dynamics, to friendships. It impacts where you live and where you work. I have been interviewed on podcasts and for organizations in regard to divorce and I have published multiple articles on the subject. I also do transitional and divorce rediscovery workshops. https://randilevincoaching.com/divorce/
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?
The ability to connect to something greater than myself!
My most interesting story is an ongoing one. My goal in my business is to be authentic, to build out my own legacy in the moment by resonating with and supporting others to do the same. I consider myself a legacy catalyst and as such the most important thing that I can assist others in doing is to be in motion, to embrace and own their next chapters, and to fearless so that they can do more. What is compelling for me is that with a virtual business, there are people who I have yet to meet in real life whose perspectives I am shifting and whose day and decisions can be impacted by my posts, my quotes, my podcasts and media segments, my workshops or my keynotes!
I network often, and it is quite common for me to attend an event or a conference and have people recognize me from social media, an article, or one of my keynotes or workshops. They will come up to me and thank me for changing their lives or impacting their decisions in some way. It is very heartwarming and as I anniversary year 5 in my business. It is also so very appreciated because I know that I am making a difference not only with my clients but also within the world at large.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
I had just had my very first business cards printed, and I was attending my first networking event in NYC. I was enrolled in coaching school; the sessions had not started yet but that did not stop me from showing up as Randi Levin Coaching at this college alumni event. I got there early and put on my name sticker and set out to meet some new people. I was so excited and proud, almost giddy. I went bounding over to another woman who also had a name tag that said she was a coach too. (You have to understand that there are a lot of coaches at networking events, but new to this I had no idea!) I told her that I was a coach! It turns out that not only had she graduated from the same college, she had gone to the same coaching school that I was enrolled in and we started a conversation that in hindsight must have sounded like I was completely crazed because I had not coached anyone yet or even flushed out the details of my new business.!
Looking back on this meeting at the beginning of my business launch, makes me smile because my energy, excitement, and confidence in my new career were leading me forward. I wanted this new thing so much it was oozing out of me! Yet was this enthusiastic encounter a mistake? I am sure that the coach that I met that evening thought that I was overzealous, and yet our overly enthusiastic first meeting was meant to be! Not only is she a friend today, but she also became my first business coach! The Universe is always speaking to you, and when you are open to the possibilities and opportunities that exist, magic happens.
If you had a close friend come to you for advice after a divorce, what are 5 things you would advise in order to survive and thrive after the divorce? Can you please give a story or example for each?
- Invest in the 100% rule: You entered into your marriage as a whole person not as a half person, or better half, or as a fraction of something. You exit as a whole person as well. Don’t lose sight of your value. You are whole. You are capable. You are smart. You are good enough, in fact, you are just right, because no one else can be YOU. You did not lose something in your marriage, you invested a whole person and you leave as a whole person. It is an emotional loss, not a loss of self.
I recently worked with a client who felt as though she had lost ½ of herself and perhaps her “best” years in a decades-long marriage. Our sessions together supported her in redefining and appreciating her own self-worth and all that she brings to the table in her relationships and in her life. When you shift perspectives, you change.
- Divorce is temporary: Divorce is horrible to experience and highly disruptive, yet it does not define you unless you let it. It is a re-route in your life not the end of your life. Yet divorce has an echo or an essence that lives on in the lives of all who are affected by the dissolve of your marriage. You are in charge of that echo. It can be amicable or adversarial. It can continue to generate happy memories spent between family members or it can be the last time you speak. Divorce is a chapter of your story, it is not your entire story. You are the author. If you hold onto the hurt and the anger, it will echo and live on. If you hold onto the highlights and experiences it will echo and live on. You choose where you want your energy in regard to your divorce and therefore you determine your own definition of temporary!
As a child of divorce, myself, I know first-hand how family dynamics and interactions can continue to be disrupted and dysfunctional for years. I strongly feel that our parents are our first leaders. If you are a parent, how do you want to lead during your divorce? The family is always a family even after your divorce, therefore, how that family interacts or does not engage is a direct reflection of how you and your ex position and define your new norm. If this foundation is set in anger, resentment, and disrespect, then that will most likely carry forward in the adult lives of your children. If your new norm is accepting and warm, then it is likely this will carry forward instead.
- Let go of the shame/stigma/failure: Not to have loved is not to have lived. In fact, ending a marriage that is no longer healthy is one of the bravest and most loving decisions one can make for themselves and their families. This is not the failure, instead, it is growth. You made choices to enter into this relationship and you are making decisions to exit it. Choice is growth and renewal. To not choose would be the failure. As you lose the baggage associated with your divorce, take time to highlight the successes rather than attempt to erase the fails.
This is something that I work on with all of my clients and audiences whether they are divorcing or simply transitioning in their lives. When you allow fear to keep you in place, you naturally repel change. I work with my clients on visualizations that allow them to let go of what no longer serves them in order to welcome in new opportunities. Success breeds success! I created a new DIY program called The Success Accelerator System. This simple 60-minute a month “success inventory” system will flip the script on your accomplishments, focusing your attention instead on all that you DID achieve even in the face of adversity. It will addict you to your own personal growth and success! https://randilevincoaching.com/psas
- Pause and get quiet: Let the anxiety and overwhelm of the moment allow you to listen to your life. Your life is speaking to you and the Universe is sharing with you every day and yet you may not have been hearing this subtle and often intuitive wisdom. Dig deep. What are the things you have always wanted to do yet never did? Where during your marriage were you compromising on time, self-care, events, and even with people that meant something to you.? How can you rediscover and connect to who you are now?
My suggestion to friends and clients is that they do not try to overfill their time and attention as they pivot out of marriage. It is all too common to see people seek to fill a gap in their hearts and their calendars with overextension of activities and people. Before you juggle too much, spend some time alone. Get to know yourself. I offer a customized series of strategies and exercises that assist in renewed self-discovery. I believe that the best way for people to pivot from married to single is to first take a personal inventory and gain clarity and new perspective.
- Now is your new next: The 24 hours you are in now is the only time you can cash in on the energy, momentum, and action steps needed to enrich your life. You get 365 windows of opportunity for this. The person who got married years ago more than likely does not resemble the person reflecting back at you in the mirror today. Get to know that person. Spend time aligning with who you are now and positioning yourself for who you are yet to be. This next chapter is about YOU.
The best example of this is in being super intentional with your day. Move from a to-do list to a today list of tasks and begin every day with asking yourself how you can USE today and really make it your own. Then at the end of the day recap. How did you USE today? Where were your intentions and commitments in alignment? Where can you take positive action next? This simple tweak will keep your focus on maximizing the day at hand.
What are the most common mistakes people make after they go through a divorce? What can be done to avoid that?
Divorce is personal, and one person’s mistake is another person’s triumph! That said, there are a few things that show up often in this demographic:
- Holding on to hatred, anger and blame: If you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to move forward, chances are likely that you are expending toxic energy and thoughts. These toxic thoughts in regard to your marriage or your ex will rob you of moving on and future happiness. Release the hatred, anger, and blame and you set yourself free.
- The need to erase and rewrite your life. Divorce is an edit in the timeline of your life. Highlight what worked. Learn from what did not. Your focus should be on the rediscovery of YOU now and building the next chapter, not on forgetting and obliterating who you have been before.
- Stating that you will never love again or be married again. Time heals. You change. Your relationship with your ex was the combination of the two of you at that period in time, your relationship with someone else is a different combination and a different point in time. Allow yourself the space to adjust and re-discover. The future will prove itself.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
I offer a complimentary Divorce Resource page on my website that you can access here: https://randilevincoaching.com/divorce/. There is so much information available today about transitioning your life and divorce recovery specifically. There is no ONE right book or podcast that will be a fit for everyone. If you have been married for decades you may seek resources that are quite different from someone who has been married for a year. If you have children, especially small children you may need support that involves split parenting. If you are a man versus a woman, or in your 20’s versus in your 60’s…once again you are addressing different issues.
My recommendation is to invest in the best-customized support you can. Hire a transitional coach or a divorce mentor who will work with you to address the problems that you are facing as you grab hold of this next chapter of your life. It is not a one-size-fits-all message and the solutions and next steps that you seek will be yours quicker and more authentically if you seek the support of an expert for accountability and success. I offer a complimentary virtual coffee meeting to discuss this further. https://randilevincoaching.com/lets-talk/
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that helped you in this work? Can you share how that was relevant in your real life?
“Say yes now and figure it out later!”
When I went back to school to get certified in coaching, upon enrolling me in the program the school administrators said, “start right now…begin.” I remember thinking that this was ridiculous. Who would take me seriously in my new business when I haven’t done this before, or even taken my first class? Yet, I was an expert on life and I instinctively knew that this next chapter was all about me and creating and driving a legacy that mattered. What was I willing to do right now, this minute to move the needle on this new chapter? There is always something you can do, some small step you can take now that will support you in leveraging what you want. Acting on this quote as I started my own business changed everything. It allowed me to leave my fears and excuses behind in favor of taking ownership of not simply learning and thinking about coaching and entrepreneurship, but to step immediately into being a coach and an entrepreneur! Big difference. I started before I even started! I believed before I knew what I was believing in. Transforming your legacy is not something that happens to you, it is something that you have the power to control. This quote is so meaningful that I reference it now, five years later and use it personally for that extra push that is sometimes necessary to step away from what I know into what is next for me.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Because of the position that you are in, you are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Yes, I created a new DIY program called The Success Accelerator System. This simple 60-minute a month “success inventory” system will flip the script on your accomplishments, focusing your attention instead on all that you DID achieve even in the face of adversity. It will addict you to your own personal growth and success! https://randilevincoaching.com/psas
The magic of The Personal Success Accelerator System is that it is a system, a self-guided monthly meeting with yourself that allows you to focus on your accomplishments and to dig deep on designing and leveraging your successes and your legacy in the current moment. It includes one session with me as well to thread the overall experience together. Success likes to be recognized and everything we do, even the fails and adversities of your life have successful moments to learn and grow from.
If I could inspire a movement is would be about redefining legacy as a powerful tool to change today. The dictionary defines legacy as the heritage and history that you leave behind when you die. When you take the concept of legacy and bring it into the current moment it becomes a catalyst to curating, driving and designing a life you love from a place of choice and commitment. You mindfully live a legendary life!
Some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
Absolutely! Cher! She has reinvented herself more times than anyone I can think of. I have been a lifelong fan of hers not just because I enjoy her work, but because I admire her grit and tenacity in evolving her life and in staying relevant. She actively lives her legacy and drives her success mindfully every day. Cher has also experienced multiple public divorces. When she split from Sonny Bono she was ½ of a duo…a powerhouse in her own right, but ½ of the Sonny & Cher enterprise. She emerged from that union whole and stepped into owning her brand and her life and going on to films, awards, and sold out Las Vegas concerts in residency. She is so iconic that there is even a Broadway Show about her! Her life was not without adversity. The difference is that she made and continues to make choices that take her away from her comfort zone and she is a leader by example.