You are really into him. The chemistry is amazing, the sex is fabulous, and he is hot, rich, or really talented. But, he’s not your boyfriend. Not officially. He hasn’t bought you ring, brought-up moving in. You want more with him, but it’s not happening. You start making excuses for why he hasn’t committed to you yet. It sounds like this: “He is still married,” “he needs to finish school first,” “he is really focused on his career right now,” “he is growing as a person so that he can really be ready for me.” If this sounds like you, then you my friend have fallen into the unavailable man trap.
Unavailable men are dangerous because being with them feels good even though you aren’t getting what you need in the relationship. I see beautiful, smart, successful women suffer the pain of being in love with men who don’t love them back because they are holding to the good parts, and denying the reality of what is really happening. He is not ever going to commit. The worst part about this is that it can go on for years. This means that, you can waste years of your life that could be spent with someone who really loves you on a man who never will. Protect yourself from falling into this trap. Below are 5 signs that man you are seeing is unavailable.
He tells you he is not ready for a commitment- This may seem cut and dry, but it’s not that easy because it is usually followed by an excuse. I can’t be with you right now because… Women hear this and think “he can’t be with me now because… but in the future he will want to be with me.” This is not true. If a man is really interested in you, and ready for a relationship, he won’t let you get away. He will communicate clearly that he is interested in you and moving towards a commitment. If he says anything different than that, then it is aNO. You can’t wait for some magical time in the future that is never going to come.
He is a breadcrumber-He gives you just enough attention to keep you hanging-on, but isn’t pursuing you consistently. You hear from him sometimes. He randomly drops you line or takes you out for a drink, or invites you over for sex on a Tuesday, but he isn’t you regular every weekend guy. You may find yourself doing most of the reaching-out or pursuing. If this is happening, this guy isn’t boyfriend material and you need to move on. Value yourself enough to know that you don’t have to settle for crumbs of love. You can have the whole cupcake.
He puts everything else before you- You are the last priority on his list, and you accept this. He is busy with work, school, friends, family, sports etc. They all seem to come before you. This is a big red flag. When someone is interested in you, they make you a top priority. Everyone is busy. But, some how we manage to make time for the things we really want. If he values you, he will make time for you. If not, move on to someone who will.
You find yourself making excuses for him- You are constantly defending him to your friends or making-up reasons why he cancelled or you didn’t hear from him. If this is happening on the regular it is a big problem. Someone who loves you shows-up consistently and keeps their word. Relationships are about doing life together. If you are making-up excuses about why your person isn’t present, then they aren’t in a relationship with you. Love yourself enough to move-on to someone who wants to do life with you.
He leaves you feeling insecure- If you are constantly checking his social media, wondering why you haven’t heard from him, or asking if he is dating other people, then you are probably dating an unavailable man. When you are in a relationship that is good for you then you will feel a level of security. If you find yourself constantly worried then you are probably chasing unavailable love. You are a valuable woman. Nothing about you needs to change for you to be worth loving. Find someone who makes you feel secure.
There are 7 billion people in the world and almost half of them are men. There is someone out there who is just as amazing as the guy you are seeing (if not better) that really wants to be with you. Save yourself years of pain and suffering and find someone who shows you how much they love you, makes you feel valuable, and is there for you consistently. You deserve it.