5 Rules To Self Love

People will have their take on what they consider your toughest obstacle. My thoughts, fully loving yourself.

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If you ask anyone the question, “What Is Your Toughest Obstacle In Life?” you may see signs of curiosity, deep thought, uncertainty, and declaration in their face. This is a difficult question for most to answer quickly and with certainty, they may even take a moment to ponder. 

Some people may answer that question with a bothersome concern, such as overcoming a current dilemma. Others may say releasing some trauma from their past. The answers will be as unique as the person answering. As much as the answers are individualized, I think there is a common answer that most won’t acknowledge.

The Toughest Obstacle In Life Is To Love, Acknowledge and Fully Accept Myself – the good, bad and ugly

If you think about the obstacles of life, it inflicts a common theme. All of us have experienced the ebbs and flows of life, it’s how we respond that creates individuality. How do you handle the big things in life? Relationships, trauma/death, career/money, children, life itself, are all affected by your response to the situation.  How you handle the situation is portrayed by your characteristics – temperament, discernment/patience, knowledge, and trust in you. Everything in your life is directed by YOU!

Don’t get me wrong, SH*T happens. There are a ton of bad things that happen to good people every day. Your reactions, your thoughts, your actions dictate the projection of your life. Knowing you, accepting you, owning your faults, being willing to change, that is what I believe is the hardest job. Most people don’t achieve self-awareness, acceptance, and knowledge. They get others to do that for them, not realizing the doom it spells for themselves and that relationship.

Self-love is a lot of work… I need you to hear what I’m saying, IT’S A LOT OF WORK! It means rectifying things from your past, acknowledging your present short-comings, not blaming others for your failures, not allowing negative into your space (being your own best friend), being alone with yourself, and feeling safe to break down and cry about the mountainous work you have to do for yourself. 

The good news is, it’s ok. That’s a breakthrough and not a breakdown. You’ve begun the journey of healing, understanding, and being present for yourself.

Let’s take a look at the 5 Rules to Navigate the Hardest Job For You.

(1) Do The Work, Get To Know The You Now, and Ask Questions

Becoming an adult, I realized no magic button was pressed, and all of a sudden, I’m an adult. It was a gradual process. From being told my every move from morning till night, to those decisions being gradually released to me. I began to realize adulthood is a slow shift of control. So, when you realize you have full control of your life, what do you do with it?

The experiences from my childhood still haunted me. I questioned everything. I wasn’t 100% sure with any of my decisions, I wasn’t even 50% sure. I looked to others for guidance. As I matured, I realized I didn’t need them too often. It was like a child learning how to walk. You begin to crawl. You depend on your mentors, family, and peers to support you. Over time, you begin to wobble, and soon walk on your own. You will always need your tribe, but it will be you taking the steps.

When you do the work to know who you are now, you realize the past helped you learn how to crawl and supported you enough to walk, but you take the strides in your life. The footprints of the past are behind you. The steps you form today are presently laying down your path to tomorrow. Ask yourself, where is it going (your dreams/goal), how does it look (steady and secure or sporadic and frail), do you still have your support system? Ask yourself questions to better lay the path for your future.

Ask Questions

You are not that little kid anymore, you’ve grown into something else. Who is that? Who is the person making decisions for your life? How do you act/react to stressful situations? What are your dreams/goals? Who do you allow into your life? How do you talk, carry and treat yourself? How do you treat your loved ones?

Answer those questions honestly to yourself. If you don’t like your answers, the good news is you can change! You are in control, you may need a little guidance and support. I just learned it’s ok for adults to need and ask for help! This leads us to our next rule.

(2) It’s Ok To Ask For Help

Photo by: Ann H on Pexels

As I stated earlier, I didn’t know it was ok to ask for help. I thought that made me look weak, uneducated, insecure – that was my ego talking.

I believe we all desire to have love, it’s the strongest emotion in the world. All of us are capable of it, but you can’t have it if you don’t recognize it. Sometimes you need someone to help you see things in a different light.

You can get into a relationship with someone and feel this euphoric, engulfing feeling and know it’s love. Days, weeks, sometimes months pass and you no longer feel that exhilaration around that person. Did you fall out of love with them? You may have fallen out of fascination and lust with them, but do you know if you’ve fallen out of love with them? 

If their good traits outweigh the bad, and they work on themselves and their relationship with you, your love may have evolved from physical to emotional. But, if you are openly communicating with them and they take no initiative to change or do better for your relationship, you may believe you’ve fallen out of love with them and are willing to dismantle the relationship.

The same goes for self-love. You may not achieve a euphoric feeling every day, you will have really bad days. However, if you are willing to do the work, seek help, and begin the process to heal yourself and your loved ones, you may experience another step in your evolution of self-love. 

You loved yourself enough to acknowledge you are not handling things in a good way. You need support, you need help, you need another opinion to help you work out your path. You put aside your ego (which is not easy) and allow a vulnerable space for someone to give you support and guidance.

If we, and our loved ones, don’t view us as a villain, but a burgeoning adult, we can begin to allow change. Please heed my words – IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP.

(3) Surround Yourself With What You Want To Become

Photo by: Fauxels on Pexels

I used to hear this so much but I never paid any attention to these words until I became an entrepreneur. When you surround yourself with who and what you want to become, unconsciously, you start to evolve into your surroundings.

Have you ever talked to some of your friends and realized they have no idea, and aren’t interested, in more. For example, you have a good job that pays the bills, but you don’t enjoy your job anymore. Let’s say you want to become an artist (painter). You bounce this idea off of your friends and family and they think you are crazy! You can’t pay your bills, you won’t be stable, you need to keep your job!

You can’t blame them for siding with stability, but come on! If you are serious about being an artist, you will become familiar with their movements. How do they get clients, how do they negotiate terms, where do they buy their supplies, how do they budget? If you are serious about becoming an artist, you will inundate yourself in the world of artists, and make friends with people like my guy @g.delia.paint, what up G!

Or, like me, you will be lucky to find a mentor/friend as I have in Angel Diaz. Angel has opened my mind to so much when it comes to being an entrepreneur. He is shaping the way I look at opportunities, the future of my business, and the way I can position myself in the world. If it wasn’t for these friends, I don’t think I would be where I am today. 

They are successful because they surround themselves with prosperous people. They envelop themselves with like-minded people that are looking to be, do, and have more. People with good relationships with their families and friends, people who are successful and their peers applaud them rather than scold them, these are the people you want to align in your circle.

(4) Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

Photo by: Monstera on Pexels

I know I’ve said a lot in this article. I asked you to change, cry, grow, seek help, and all kinds of things. The most important thing I would like for you to take away from this article is, be kind to yourself and others. 

No one is perfect! No one lives a perfect lifestyle, regardless of what you see on social media. People are walking around that exist, not truly living. They are in constant punishment, torment, shame, and anger. They cannot see how they can change their lives. Many are defeated, unrelenting, and, plainly spoken, fed up with life. Please don’t become that person.

There is a power in forgiveness that I don’t think we truly understand. The power to forgive others and ourselves for wrong-doings is like soapy water over a dirty dish – with a little polish and a little rinse, it’s gone! With a little understanding, patience, support, and laughter, yup, I said laughter, you can learn to ease the tensions of life. You don’t have to be the perfect daughter, mother, wife, boss, co-worker, a friend in the world. Just show up, be present at the moment and be kind to yourself the way you are to others.

(5) Learn To Love The Process

This process of loving yourself is not easy, that’s why I consider it to be the toughest obstacle in life. As you go through the steps of learning to love yourself, the process will start hard. Just like a farmer, you dig up dirt from the past. You throw away what you think is bad and you keep what’s good. You begin to cultivate your soil (self) and wait for the harvest to bloom. The more you cultivate, the more you grow, the more you grow, the more you produce, the more you produce, the more you have to give to yourself and others.

Open yourself to the possibilities of growth, self-awareness, recognition, and prosperity. When you love yourself, your life will truly be yours to navigate. Happy voyage!

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