Cathy P, “Mom of an Adult – Your children will never comprehend the depth of your love for them, even when they say they know. They will never know that love in your heart you have for them.” Tip #6
Cathy and I talked a lot about her sixth tip, Mom of an Adult. Most of my friends do not yet have adult children. Cathy has three adult boys. She’s been great in helping me to transition into this role. It is a different role, with different challenges.
What she says is that they will “never know.” Boys may never understand the depth of their Mother’s love. I don’t think I fully understood it in my relationship with my own Mom; how she worked to let go, while wanting to hang on.
Of course I knew Mom loved me, but we never spoke about her struggles as a Mom, in watching me stumble into adulthood. I’m sure there were many painful moments, even fearful ones.
When I had my own son, I became busy in my world. I likely left Mom wishing for more of me, doing little to reassure her I was ok and doing well.
We did talk and share every day. I know our relationship was rich and two-way; however, now that she’s gone, I guess I feel it just wasn’t enough. I wonder more about how she was feeling. I wish I spent less time belly-aching and more time learning about her!
In conversation, we’ve agreed that is the circle of life. We’ve discussed how it is wonderful our boys are active in their adult lives. We’ve shared gratitude in the fact our boys aren’t calling every day in need of constant support, reassurance, guidance, or even money.
Although we miss them, we’re glad they aren’t needy and belly-aching! We’ve concluded, we may want more; however, we wouldn’t trade their independence or their full lives to get it.
Sometimes Moms with adult children can feel lonely and forgotten, those feelings may be evidence of a job well done!
Mrs. P. has been one of my parenting mentors. I just love her!