100 Moms – Positivity

I “acted-as-if.”

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Danielle is a teacher, and single Mom to two teens. Initially she planned to raise perfect children; these days, she more focused on happy children.  Both ambitious goals!

Danielle, “Be a positive role model – if you want them to be have a certain way, you better be able to do it consistently too!” Tip 6

I can rarely pass up a chance to discuss positive role modeling, as mentioned by Danielle with tip #6.  Positive modeling has been the largest pillar in my parenting, my most deeply held value, and likely most successful technique.

As a Mom with grave insecurities and a tragically poor self-image, upholding this tip had a highly, intense level of complexity. Hating yourself just cannot be an option, or at least expressing it cannot be an option! How could a child feel safe with someone who had no confidence?

I did do my very best to role model positivity, security and confidence, while working to make gains in all areas.  I was careful to not discuss self-doubt, poor self-image, and my overall, generally grim perspective.  To me, role modelling was my most significant responsibility as a Mom.  I took it seriously!

I would never discuss my perceived deficiencies with Michael, or around him.  I didn’t want to darken his world in any way. Why would I use up valuable air time, life moments, with my gripes?  Why call attention to my dissatisfaction, fears, and angst?  I refused to put my lens of myself, or of the world, over Michael’s eyes.

My insecurities pertained not only to my personal self-image, but largely toward my negative image of the world.  I believed it to be a hurtful and a hateful place. 

Parenting in spite this perspective, may have been my greatest feat. 

I had frequent temptation to remind Michael of the foreboding journey ahead, to vent about the assholes in my life, and to belabor my discontent – as was modeled for me. I did the opposite.

It was important to me Michael see the world as a positive place, full of opportunity and happiness.  It was important to me he was strongly acquainted with his personal power.  I modelled all positive, all the time.  I “acted-as-if.”

I was painfully aware of how negative messages could defeat a spirit, and I was not going to let that happen.  Kids should only see the bright and colorful side of life for as long as possible.  I’ve come to learn, it is a plausible and healthy perspective even for adults.  Although darkness does appear, a light can be found and a positive perspective is available.  It’s up to us to dig for that light.

In my life these days, the student has become the teacher!  Michael has become my positive role model. He gives the ‘dark-side’ no time.  He is progressive in all he thinks, all he does, and in all he says.  He demonstrates the value of ‘clear-colored glasses’ with every interaction we have.

As for me, to positively role model, it was necessary to do everything different.  It worked.  I “acted-as-if” and it became. 

Today, Michael is a secure, confident, and a forward-focused positive thinker, who has found contentment and happiness.  Keeping my shitty thinking to myself paid off greatly.

Danielle is spot-on about the consistency too!

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