As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Tanya Brown who is a psychic and clairvoyant and uses her gifts in her intuitive coaching business to help her clients create the business and life of their dreams. By sharing what she sees/feels and knows it has her clients walking away with added confidence and clarity that they did not have before. The fact that she shares insights and info that she could not possibly know gives them further evidence of her insight. www.laurenstjulian.com
Sign up for her mailing list here.. http://eepurl.com/gf7NRX
Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.
For many years I thought was lucky. I have always had dreams that literally came true. It’s been like dejavu. Where I would dream that I was at a certain place (i.e. office/shop etc.) having a conversation with someone about things that they would eventually tell me. Later I would see these dreams actually come true and happen in the fashion that I dreamed it.
Also I knew things that I could not possibly know. I told my friends info about things to come in their business and life. It was years later when she truly embraced her gift and the floodgates opened up.
I went into business coaching because as an entrepreneur many of us have so much self-doubt and worry. I love sharing what I see and know about their business going forward which always give my clients more confidence about their ideas and decisions. I love being of support.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?
I am working on a course on mindfulness and manifestation. How our thoughts become things and if and when we are mindful of the thoughts we have going through our minds on an endless loop we can change our situations (not to mention find our happy).
Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?
Yes actually I can. I spent a week writing down the thoughts I had in my head going on an endless look. From the moment I woke up I was mindful of my thoughts. I would literally just jot them down in my iPhone notes. As someone who viewed themselves as a very positive person I was shocked at how negative my thoughts were. Frankly I would never speak to a client the way I spoke to myself.
Every day we have between 50,000–70,000 thoughts per day or about 35 to 48 thoughts per minute. I did not want those thoughts to be negative anymore. So I flipped the switch. Every time I found myself saying, “I can’t” I changed it to “I can”. Or if I said, “that will never happen to me” it became “I will do this”. Slowly it became a habit. Now I have a positive thought habits that I notice when negative ones are around me. Its amazing how great things can come into your life when you expect them to. You can control our happiness.
According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?
I love this question. So many men and women are caught up in images that society paints as being the standards of beauty. I was watching an interview with the dad from “This is Us” Milo Ventimiglia where he said that he was teased for the tilt of his smile. The moment he said that all I was thinking is that is makes him unique. He recognized how unique he was early on so the teasing never affected him. He knew his value. So many of us focus on trying to assimilate into societies ideal of beauty as opposed to focus on our unique appeal and how special we are individually.
As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?
Until you learn to love yourself you will always find challenges in understanding or allowing someone to love you. Knowing your value and worth is key to allowing love into your life. If you don’t feel worthy of love how can you ever expect to receive love? The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. This goes into the way you treat your body/mind etc. Treat yourself with care and love.
Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?
When we talk about self-love and understanding we don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships.
What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?
So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?
Very important. It aids in ones confidence and in ones self esteem. Its part of the foundation of your self worth. Knowing who you are and what you are capable of. By constantly pushing yourself emotionally or physically to expand outside of your comfort zone is key. Spending a day by yourself even going to a meal in a restaurant by yourself can be a big confidence booster. Taking a yoga class or doing a half hour of meditation are easy steps, which help to clear the mind and be one with your body.
I used to go on vacations by myself and was always surprised when strangers would think it was so brave. I just thought it was a normal thing to do (plan a trip and just go). Simple or not acts such as these can always reconfirm for yourself confidence your capabilities.
How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?
You will find yourself more open and confident without even realizing it. Its almost as if you are out of your shell. Also to the outside world it’s very visible as well. This is very attractive to others who want to hang around with that type of person.
In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?
Individuals should stop trying to conform to societies ideas about beauty and conformity. By this I don’t mean ignoring rules/laws etc. but like a song I heard in Shrek the musical called “Let your freak flag fly”. Or as a gal on my favorite show “Schitt’s Creek” said, “Do you boo”. Be yourself because if they don’t love you as you are they are missing out.
As for society you don’t always have to agree with someone’s opinions or ideas or them with you and yours but be open to listening to they’re why they feel this way. We don’t always have to agree but we should always get along.
What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?
Practicing self-care. Self Care for me is defined by my going to the gym and working out, as well as healthy eating. Also having a beauty regime in place to make sure my hair and skin are in good condition (taking time for facials and deep conditioning). Beauty from the inside out. I will spend my weekends with a hair and facemask. Or depending upon the weather I may sleep with deep conditioner in to wash out the next day.
Always feeding my mind. For me feeding my mind by having great books in my library that helps maintain my mindset as well as fosters positive growth. I will reread my favorite books that have inspired me or affected me in such a positive way. I am always on the look out for new books in which I can grow and learn. My latest find is “The Big Leap” which had such a positive affect on me truly shifted the way I think about things. Until this book I had no idea I had an upper limit problem. I literally had a loud “AHA moment” this minute I read this.
How many times have you had a string of amazing things happen to you and all of a sudden your mind takes a different turn? This happened to me. I was in the process of manifesting something I wanted. In fact it happened very quickly. I was reveling in the process. The fact that I did this and it came to fruition in two days time. I literally was skipping home. Skipping.. I cross a city street and fell. Face planted into a NYC street. One minute I am thinking how great things are and the next I am wondering how did I fall. Its like our bodies have a thermostat of how much good are comfortable with receiving. When we exceed our comfort zone it does something to screw it up (hence my tripping). Realizing I had an upper limit problem made me more open to seeing it and dealing with it.
Maintaining work/life balance. As much as I can go from 0 to 60. I always find time to relax. Netflix and chill. Taking time to sit in the park and read. I always unwind and have downtime. Taking vacations is very important to me. Whether it’s a weekend or nine days. I unplug and unwind and stop working. My business and life is always better as a result of it. This may seem silly but I remember how I get when I don’t go on vacation or take time off. It’s like being hungry and angry, Hangry but for a vacation/downtime).
Meditation. Listening to my inner self as well as my guides. You don’t have to be psychic to do this. Take time to meditate each day to connection with your intuition and listen. Wonderful way to start your day. Doing yoga can help you do this as well. Being one with your mind and body.
What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?
Current favorites books
The Big Magic — I love how the author talks about fear always being a constant and learning to live with it and still move forward regardless. Also how you should always look for that special thing that is inside of all of us waiting to be discovered.
Conscious language — I love how this book focuses on how we communicate. The words we use and the power within those words.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…
Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is something I say to my clients all the time. The time to do it is now. Taking action steps regardless of how small as it moves you forward towards your desired goal. Its up to you to start moving.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?
I always think that I would rather try and fail than not to have ever tried at all. As a result my friends always say I am fearless as I will jump off a cliff and find my wings on my way down.
Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!