Very early into my writing career, I was forced to meet my fear of failure, face to face, by stumbling into a rabbit hole that deepened my quest for career-awareness. The benefit of this rabbit hole was discovering that my inner manifestation compass was not broken as I once thought; it only needed to be re-calibrated. By confusing my past work experiences with newly learned life skills, I became easily distracted by the left over mental chatter and emotional static. This made it difficult to intuitively connect to my inner knowing when I needed it the most.
Since my first memory, all I ever wanted to be was a writer. Pulling this dream to safety offered no quick solution. I had to dig deep for answers to my lack of self-worth and why I felt that this dream was for everyone, but me. First, I had to uncover what no longer served any purpose in my desire to be an author. Second, I had to discover how to turn down the volume of the negative voice that was subconsciously sabotaging my efforts. And third, I needed to learn how to properly discard false beliefs that were keeping me mentally impoverished.
I had to get honest. Not brutally honest, but gently honest with what I felt needed to be heard by my true self. If I was to reach my goals, I had to uncover what was subconsciously pushing me away from the success that was now tangible. By being genuinely kind to the part of myself that was unfamiliar with success, I could honestly separate my fears from the reality of what was happening in the now. In order to succeed, I had to learn what triggered my fear then redirect the energy by focusing on how exciting it was going to be to finally see my dreams emerge from the shadows of the unknown.
Discovering my deepest fears and bringing them into the light of awareness not only relieved my angst, it empowered my creative process. I accepted that I would make mistakes as a writer, but that I would be less apt to be reactive when they did happen. When I realized that the fear of being perfect was preventing me from taking chances, that energy no longer had the power to keep me in a limbo-like state. I could now see my pattern. I would begin new manuscripts or projects with bold determination, but when I was nearing deadlines my words would freeze. I would then make excuses, procrastinate more, and eventually self-sabotage. This created a chain reaction that played itself out, over and over again, until I discovered the loop of fear that I was stuck in. It was, indeed, time for change.
In finding what I believed to be the root of my procrastination and self-sabotage, I could ask myself key questions about what no longer served my author self. As it turned out, most of what I was telling myself had very little relevance as an author, speaker, and advocate for women of addiction and trauma. I had to realize that the risks far outweighed any of my fears. If nothing changed then I would stay where I was, and that alone motivated me to do-the-work and push send. How ironic it was that my old beliefs pushed me over the edge of stagnation and into the free-fall that landed me in a more expansive space than I could have envisioned. The thought of missing future chances gave me the courage to reach beyond my comfort zone and grab hold of every opportunity granted to me. Today, I walk the edge of uncertainty boldly staring fear in the face while I ask myself this question, “What else is possible when the currency of my soul has no limit?”
What outdated belief is keeping you from embracing spiritual abundance so that your career dreams can come alive?
Originally published at medium.com