Wisdom//

Everything Happens FOR You, Not TO You

It's a simple mindset change that can make a serious difference.

Westend61/ Getty Images
Westend61/ Getty Images

By Catherine Plano

Everything happens at exactly the right moment. And how frustrating is that – especially when there’s something you really, really want, and the moment is not right now?

The thing is…sometimes if you want something really badly, you’re stopping it from manifesting in your life simply because you can’t let it go.

It sounds odd, but letting go is exactly what you need to do. You need to make your wish and then let go of it – give up the desire, let go of the need, be happy with the status quo – and when you have done that, magnificent things can happen. And sometimes you’ll realize that you didn’t quite get what you asked for – you got something better, instead!

The same rule applies when good things fall apart, too.

These things always happen for a reason. They might be painful moments that change your entire world, but the key to getting through them and out the other side is realizing that there’s always a bigger picture. Unfortunately, most of us learn more from the bad stuff than we do the good stuff, but it’s all designed to help us grow and expand our consciousness and become better versions of ourselves.

When you live with the belief that things really do happen for you and not to you, you can create miracles in every moment. You can move from feeling angry or hurt or sad to feeling good. When you recognize the moment for what it is – a lesson, a test, an opportunity to say “Aha! then you win. Always.

Because you’re no longer a victim of circumstance.

[Related: Everything You Are Going Through is Just Preparation]

So, how do you go about doing this?

It’s not easy – we all get caught up and live our lives on “auto-pilot” a lot of the time. But when you make an effort to live consciously – that is, when you’re so present in each and every moment that you actually catch yourself before you lose your temper because the driver in front of you cut you off – then you have real power.

The power not to “buy into” the situation and the power to change your reaction. The power to experience the moment the way you want to, not necessarily the way that it has been presented to you.

You can step back, maybe laugh a little, and completely stop yourself before your blood boils up with rage, and then you can calmly thank the world around you for the gift. Because in that one moment, you empowered yourself. You changed your unconscious reaction to a conscious response.

It’s important to be aware of what’s happening – when you have the power to change something and when you don’t. It’s important, too, to have faith that things will work out…maybe not quite how you planned, but how it’s meant to be. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Just because something isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean that it will never happen. You are exactly where you need to be at this very point in time. Everything in life is a “choice” and life is what you make of it. Everything you want will come to you at the perfect time!

[Related: You Cannot be Derailed…Only Slowed Down]

What’s meant to be will always find its way.

When things happen, it is entirely up to you how you label your experience. You might have heard the expression, “glass half full, or half empty?” It’s an old adage to describe people who have a tendency to be either optimistic or pessimistic, and it’s a good way to explore the point here, too.

You can dwell on disaster or find the silver lining, and often the silver lining is the learning curve – the exact thing that you needed as a unique personal contrivance right here, right now, to take you from where you are to where you want to be.

Sometimes it’s useful to see the bigger picture, especially when something is distressing you. It can be really hard to stand back at times like this, but a useful mental trick in these kinds of situations is to jump in a helicopter in your head.

Zoom out on your perspective and try to see the bigger picture. As the helicopter takes off, engage your imagination and visualize the whole thing – the detail at ground level getting harder to determine as a wide, expansive, breathtaking view comes into focus.

Then ask yourself these questions;

  • What’s the bigger picture here?
  • What am I reacting to?
  • What does this situation mean to me?
  • What would be the best thing for me to do?
  • If this were happening to my best friend, what advice would I give them?

When you do this, you will also help your emotions to settle, because by engaging your brain, you take the focus off the “feeling.” This is always useful when you’re trying to detach from something that has you all wound up.

Being wound up in emotion is helpful, but only for a short period of time. Emotions are your gauge – they tell you when you’re stressed, angry, scared, happy, or courageous. But when the negative ones become overwhelming, you need to work hard at getting your brain re-engaged so you can work out a solution to the situation you’re facing. The head and the emotions work in tandem to enrich your life experience.

Life is 10% of what happens…and 90% how you react to it!

You are free to make whatever choice you want in life, but you are not free from the consequences of your choice. How you react to any situation has a hugeimpact on how quickly you recover. The simple fact of the matter is that you can’t control other people, but you can control your reactions to them.

Remember: No one can ever make you feel anything unless you allow them to. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

How people treat you is their karma, and how you treat them or react to them is your karma. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, and keep in mind that people will always remember how you made them feel. Don’t go littering negativity everywhere and wonder “why” you have a crummy life.

Change is inevitable – in fact, it is the only thing in life that we can count on, so we need to learn how to ride the wave. When you shift your mindset and understand that everything happens for you, you can be ready with open arms to receive the best in life.

[Related: Embrace the Changes in Your Business and Personal Life]

Catherine Plano works one-on-one with women to help them reconnect with themselves. In 2012, she launched the I AM WOMAN Project, which is now a global weekly podcast where women from all over the world share their stories.

Originally published on Ellevate.

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