Enjoy the journey not the destination, that is exactly how I transformed (completely by accident) the breaking point in my marriage into the breakthrough moment, that saw me fall back in love with my husband (and as a bonus myself).
Journey: HOME (To create emotional stability and resilience which had been eroded in the course of our marriage breaking down PLUS the understanding what I really wanted from life so that I had a post separation starting point).
I needed to leave my marriage, it was dead, at best I could tolerate my husband at worst I loathed him.
We were alternately silent or fighting — the atmosphere was always tense and I was constantly defensive and very sad, pretty bitter too and full of disappointment.
I had been at jumping off point for quite sometime and eventually, inevitably the scales tipped in favour of leaving. Until that moment my kid’s well-being, my financial security, my lack of stable income and the fear of letting my kids down, plus of course the failure and fear of what people may think had been been reasons enough to make do with my marriage.
Disappointment, however and the loneliness of an ice cold marriage coupled with the increasing bitterness between my husband and me finally pushed me to make the decision to leave.
I was realistic enough to know that I had some serious work to do in order to face this separation with grace, emotional stability and be able to focus on what was best for all of us: me, my kids and yes my husband too — because no matter what he had gifted me two beautiful children and we had shared some wonderful times together.
So I set my destination (divorce) and then turned my focus to the journey.
And I am so thankful I did, as I took my attention away from all that wasn’t working and all the reasons I we were unhappy together the most amazing revelations came my way — including: all the reasons I fell in love in the first place, the man he was, the couple we were and dream we created as young lovers — these were places I didn’t wish to go or even remember (how painful to revisit the love that was, the promise of a life together which was not to be) but they were necessary journeys for my healing. I also saw how I had a part to play in the breakdown — oh how difficult this was to admit — but the relief that came with taking responsibility for my happiness (or lack of it).
I remember we began to laugh together on occasion, then share stories of our day, the conversations became more than the organisational stuff, they were about connection (though I was very resistant — I was going for the Destination Goal –i.e. DIVORCE) it felt like we were getting to know each other again and yes I could feel the man I fell in love with once more.
I tried to deny what was happening, I was so very confused by it — was this a trick, was it fear rearing its head? — but the butterflies in my stomach when I saw him or he touched me were eventually proof enough that it was more than wishful thinking I had fallen back in Love with my husband (and with myself as it turns out — but that is for another day).
I look at our life now, our kids, they way we stand together and face our problems as a team, the thrill I feel when it is just the two of us, the pride I have when I look at what we have created, the love we reignited that I so very nearly threw away and I am filled with so much gratitude that my journey led me to a destination way beyond my imagination, but and thank heavens not the one I was aiming for.
I want you to know that you too can rewrite your love story, and fall back in love with your soulmate again and forever, experience those butterflies once more. I teach sensitive, yet courageous women how to have successful, loving and fulfilling relationships. Transforming your relationship without a single conversation with your partner.
So if you are ready to turn your breaking point into the breakthrough moment then lets talk breaking point? Then lets talk, email me [email protected], or check out my website allisonreiner.com, or if you can’t wait to get started on you break though then download load my free worksheet by clicking here: http://allisonreiner.com/marketing-rocket/five-steps-to-self-love
Alternatively come over and join our Facebook community, a support network for anyone who is ready to reignite their love but doesn’t know how: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Loveisaninsidejob
Originally published at www.huffingtonpost.com on April 21, 2017.
Originally published at medium.com