Is The Fear of Pain or Struggle Stopping You From Growing?
I am growing
I know because I can feel it
It’s not comfortable, but its okay
It’s not the kind of growing pains that kids talk about though
It’s not feeling your bones grow and ache
It’s more like feeling your heart break open
It’s releasing stories that hold us trapped in a limited reality
It’s letting go of beliefs about what truth is and releasing attachment to what defines us
It’s surrendering to the unknown
I used to fear pain
Like it was the enemy
So I deliberately architected the perfect psyche
One that was far from experiencing pain
I created a personality and plan for my life that didn’t include pain
After all, I AM a deliberate creator
The thing is, I was at war with myself
In my head, an inner battle
One of those ones that no one outside of you sees
The wholeness of who I am wanted to feel true freedom
To feel deep love and to experience outrageous joy
I wished to be the vessel for unconditional love to flow through
I could always find the good in everything…that was easy
What I didn’t realize is how I stubbornly pushed hard against experiencing pain at all
And this resistance was the foundation of my inner struggle
I feared experiencing pain, so I spent my life protecting myself from it
That is a lot of energy and focus going into resisting,
Yet I maintained the knowing that opening to our limitless power requires fully releasing resistance
Not if it involved pain though
No one wants to feel heartache, right?
Still I felt strongly like I was being pulled to be more, to open…
And then I uncovered the real truth
I learned who I truly am
I am consciousness and I am having a physical world experience
And an important part of this life is experiencing emotion
Having the experience of the wide range of emotions
There is an essential ingredient to deliberate creation that not everyone talks about
It’s about being real
It’s about embracing all parts of this physical experience
Finding the balance between the physical and non-physical
Completely allowing what is
Being alive and feeling life fully
And here in lies the key
You are the experiencer of your emotions
You are not your emotions
I am growing
I know because I can feel it
There is this pressure in my chest
Like a ball of heavy energy just sitting there, waiting to be released
But I’m aware of it now, and I see it as an object
And it doesn’t scare me
It is not who I am,
It is not even a part of me
It is simply something I am experiencing
Awareness transcends
I am not my pain
So bring it on life, you infinite teacher
I am opening now, ready for more
I am growing
Originally published at medium.com