It’s the most common mindset we, as mama bears, have. That we are not good enough.
Not a good enough mother, daughter, sister, partner, friend, worker, boss or person.
As if the constant struggle of getting caught up in comparing ourselves to other Mum’s…isn’t enough! We add our own pressure on top of that!!!!
You know what I mean right? That list you have with 10 things on it to get done (probably before breakfast knowing the pressure you put on yourself). You absolutely NAIL 7 of those things like a true pro. But guess what you do?
Beat yourself up about the 3 you didn’t get done!! PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.
You know I’m right.
You are far too hard on yourself as it is and then to add the self-critical icing on the cake…..you believe you are not good enough.
So why is that?
What’s missing for us Mum’s to believe we are falling short?
As the amazing superwomen that we are, there always seems to be one element we miss out on!
OURSELVES.
Through the 1000’s women I have worked with in my mentoring, I hear these common stories amongst Mum’s.
“ I make my kids a healthy meal but then I just have whatever.”
” I make sure my kids are active but I just don’t have time to exercise.”
“I would be absolutely heartbroken if my kids said they hated their bodies, but I don’t love mine.”
“ Once I get my entire to-do list done THEN I might sit down for 5.”
“ I need to put my kids first. They are my world. But I’m so tired all the time.”
“ It kills me from the inside that my darling is being bullied. Yet I’m happy to bully myself.”
Do these sound familiar gorgeous? Of course they do because us mum’s are FIRST TO PUT OURSELVES LAST!
It’s actually our naturally nurturing + giving nature. But it is toxic and self-sabotaging at the same time and it CAN be helped. Because YOU ARE IMPORTANT! Oh my god….. SO SO important!
Without you where does that leave those starry eyed angels of yours? Putting yourself last is one of the biggest reasons you lack self-love and in turn begin to believe and embed that you are not good enough. And it’s time to change that.
I remember having the mama guilts if I did something for myself. As if I was being selfish or indulgent.
I realised this had been embedded in me. Through watching my Mum alwasys being “busy” and go go go.
Through societal expectations on Mum’s to be doing it all and serving others constantly as our form of happiness.
But I soon realised I HAD to do better for myself if I wanted my kids to learn they are important and show up as my best self.
And guess what happened when I started to show myself more love + create more time for myself? I showed up as a way more energetic and present Mum to my gorgeous kids. And boy, did they recognise that.
I was ALL THERE when I was with them. Our interactions and connection became so much higher quality.
I want ALL of you Mum’s out there to feel this amazing fulfillment in self so that your kids (and everyone else for that matter) can benefit from the overflow.
I by no means expect you to see this as the “silver bullet” or the ONLY solution. But it is absolutely essential as part of transforming yourself into a space where you FEEL that Self-Love grow stronger my love.
Step One: create AT LEAST 15mins in your day EVERY DAY for you. This will become longer as you do this more because you will FEEL the benefits of filling up your Self-Love cup and naturally want to do it more.
What can you do? This is limitless and there is NO right or wrong.
Read! Take a bath! A short walk! Catch up with a friend! Journal! Listen to an audio book! Dance! Take your shoes off and walk in the grass or on the beach (earthing). Write your list of options!
OH MY GOD this is the exciting part. I have goosebumps just talking zbout it. Imagine what you can do, see, experience!!!
Make this your Self-Love Menu. Hang it somewhere you see it everyday or even make multiple copies. On your mirror, car dashboard, phone wallpaper, fridge!! Go to it and choose something from it to do in your 15 minutes (or longer). And love it. EVERY.DAMN.MINUTE.OF.IT.
Write this list before continuing to Step Two girlfriend. DO IT NOW>>>GO!
Step Two: commit to this like your life depends on it. BECAUSE IT DOES! Your love filled life DOES depend on it my love. No more telling yourself BS stories about why you aren’t as important as those loved ones around you. No more saying YES to things you know you want to say NO to. No more selling yourself short which only leads to feeling overwhelmed and like you’re coming up short as a woman and a mum!
Step Three : EXPECT. UNDERSTAND. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.
EXPECT your Inner Bully to show up with hands jam packed full of bags and bags of guilt. This is normal for you right now gorgeous because this was your normal for a long time. Your default! You are accustomed to feeling guilty for having your time. Embrace this as a good sign that you are on the right path because we are going to rewire that belief to shift into a mindset of necessity. The more time you have for yourself the more you will see how important it is and the guilt will be a thing of the past.
UNDERSTAND that rewiring this habit takes time. Just like developing the toxic habit of believing you are not good enough has taken time.
Also, understand that your time doesn’t have to be daily trips to the day spa or masseuse for it to be effective YOU time. Use your simple SL menu above!
GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK gorgeous. You are doing a great job. You are an amazing Mum (or Mom for my international loves). And you are enough. RIGHT NOW. As a human. As a mother. As a woman.
Now, do NOT let this be one of those things you read and think “wow that’s a great idea. I’ll try that.” DO IT. Action it. Be committed to it. Brick by brick. Little by little. And watch the Self Love begin to blossom.
I would LOVE to hear how you went so comment and let me know gorgeous.
I love you beautiful.
So should you!!
Love + Empowerment
Ingrid xo
For more insight and inspiration, LIKE my FaceBook page ‘The Love and Empowerment Warrior : http://bit.ly/2mOBp28
Originally published at medium.com