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Dating in Isolation

Finding connection in a time of self quarantining.

I’ve been on a self imposed quarantine about writing about my dating life.  I’ve told myself for years if I write about dating I become undateable.

It’s not easy to shut myself up.  I’ve written and shared so much about my life in the 10 years since the birth of my media and event company, The MOMS.  I wrote a series about divorce called The Divorce Diaries for The Huffington Post. My outlook was positive and the messages were often approved by my ex-husband.  The pieces were about…amicable divorce, not calling me a single mom since my kids have a dad, learning to be interested in things we used to divide up, like finance, and sharing what the experts may not tell you.

I shared about parenting, my truth about disliking being pregnant, how work trips can feel like vacation and any relevant, and what I like to think was bold in our Moms and The City column at Metro newspapers and our NBC digital TV show.  I’ve been called upon by national TV networks and TV shows to talk about parenting or things in the news that relate to being a mom.

I shared my Cancer Journey online at People.com and GoodHousekeeping.com.  I’ve written about Solo Travelling for Yahoo, my horrific experience with the TSA, and shared about my on-going struggle with my newly grown hair and comfort with my wigs.

But I haven’t written about dating!  I only shared about this once or twice when I was in a long-term relationship.  I haven’t felt comfortable sharing more about that relationship yet but I will one day share my wisdom and warning signs about relationships that are unhealthy, and potentially harmful.  I’ll share why and how to get out when you think you can’t or aren’t strong enough.

When I share it’s because I truly feel that it could help someone.  It could inspire someone. It could wake someone up. It could connect people.  It could provide comfort for someone. 

I’ve been asked to speak at Yankee Hall of Famer Mariano Rivera’s charity dinner and a Women’s Empowerment event at the UN and spoke about how sharing helped me survive.  I shared how the community of people around the country kept me alive. I shared about how it perhaps can help others to share. I’ve compared my cancer journey and the joy of fans cheering me on to what I imagine a sports star feels like in a full stadium or arena.

Despite all this I have never shared my experiences about dating. Who would want to date me knowing it may not be authentic.  Who would date me for fear of being a subject.

It took a while, after a traumatic relationship and breakup, but I eventually felt comfortable to start dating again.  It took some time. It wasn’t easy getting back in. It certainly wasn’t easy to get back in as a cancer survivor. It wasn’t easy getting back on the apps after so long.  It wasn’t easy sharing with my community that I’m available to be set up. It’s not easy getting comfortable with my new shaplier survivor body. It’s not easy sharing all about my lumpectomy, my dented left breast, and my ovaries’ removal and menopause. (But hey, at least that part and all of its moods and adjustments are behind me 🙂

I was ready.  I enjoyed my freedom.  I loved the adventures I was starting to take. I crave connection. 

I was starting to do it all again.  I was finally feeling like a catch again. 

I went out with people who already knew my story and my journey and were amazingly unfazed.

I went out with others who knew nothing and were interested, interesting and supportive. 

I met some new men who weren’t the right fit but I was grateful for the experience.  Some who are now friends.

I was also recently blown off after 1 drink.   He looked at his phone and said his elderly dad needed him.  I never had that happen before. Maybe I was too much for him.  Maybe he wasn’t attracted. Maybe my wig honesty was more than he could handle.  Or maybe he just didn’t like me. But I enjoyed knowing that and moving on to the next.

Just weeks ago I met someone and went on back to back dates and would have loved a third.  Any chance of that was immediately corona-cancelled.

So what now in this age of coronavirus? Facetime drinks?  Phone friendships? Toneless texting? Web wooing? Going Social Media Steady? Tik Tok Tangos? 

How long will it last?  What happens when it’s over?  Will any of the Corona-Courting communication bring real life companionship?

I don’t know.  I guess I have plenty of time to try it all.

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