You’re Raising Children, But Are You Raising Adults?

Your empty nest life could depend on this

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Large Group of Children
Large Group of Children

“I’m not raising children. You already know how to do that. I’m raising adults.” I overheard these words spoken by a Mom to her teen children in a store many years ago. Admittedly, I was taken aback by this statement, as at the time, I was not a Mom. However, years later, when I became one, those words resonated loud and clear with me.

If you don’t adequately prepare your child to GO out into the world, your anticipated empty nest season may never COME.

There are grown men out here looking for women to replace their moms and daughters looking to be dependent upon and unconditionally spoiled by a man. Just because. It’s kind of scary and sad actually.

If there were to be an examination of their childhood, you’d likely discover that many of their adult issues began there.

So I ask, Moms, are you preparing your sons & daughters to be self-sufficient?

Will your son starve without a woman in the kitchen or without having Grub Hub on speed dial?

Will he understand the concept of color separation when it comes to laundry, or will everything be sent to a dry cleaner? Or worse, will he be bringing them home for you to handle? Does he understand that the quantity of his sexual conquests does not define manhood and that No, means no, means Hell No?

Are your daughters being raised to believe that beauty trumps everything else? Are they receiving the following messages, consciously or unconsciously, that academics are not as crucial if you are cute and personable? Find yourself a man with money, honey; in other words, are they being led to believe that a man is a financial plan?

How often are you the example of financial responsibility? Saving more than you spend, making your own money, and showing them the importance of doing the same. 

 Are you teaching your children how to fish on their own, or are they being raised to feel as though your financial pond is always accessible and unlimited?

Self-reliance rocks. There is more to life than fashion, nails, six-packs, and hair. In the words of Judge Judy,” Beauty fades, brains are forever!”

The more rational we are in preparing them to go out into the world to use their wings, the lesser the chances of them wanting or needing to fly back to the nest because of their inability to be self-sufficient.

Prepare now for your next, so that when the opportunity to Reclaim Your Life as an empty nester arrives, it can remain that way. You’ve earned it, don’t you think?

When I coach working moms, this is an area in which many of them struggle. Finding that healthy harmony, some call it balance, to ensure that they aren’t just parenting, but parenting with a purpose: to raise children who become independent, successful, good humans.

Three of my favorite parenting quotes that I share often to serve as reminders are the following:

  1. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.
  2. It’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.
  3. The world is not going to coddle your child with the comforts of home. Keep it real with them, and the sooner the better.

Overall cost of living expenses, career decisions, dating pressures, and social media distractions are just a few of the forces that add to the complexity of their transition to adulthood.

However, the one person who shouldn’t be clipping their wings while they are still under your roof, hindering their best start in their new life, is Mommy dearest.

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