I know it feels like the world is collapsing, not to mention your own life crumbling in front of you and you feel helpless to stop any of it. You just want to sit in the corner and bury your head in your knees and cry.
I know you feel like you can’t catch a break and it feels like the WHOLE UNIVERSE is conspiring against you. BUT STOP! Take a minute to step outside of your own head to see that it’s not just you. Everyone is going through something RIGHT NOW. It wasn’t just your cycle that was canceled, it was nearly everyone’s cycle that was canceled.
It’s not just your world that is falling apart, no one knows what to expect next. NOT A SINGLE SOUL ON THIS PLANET (wow, and that is not even an exaggeration) can make a plan for 5 days from now, or even 5 months from now.
I know that you feel out of control. I know that you feel like you are doing everything right and it all still seems to go wrong.
I’ve been there. I understand, and you are not alone.
I know what it’s like to feel all that was ever told to you as a child about getting what you want, was a lie.
“If you work hard enough, everything you want will be yours.” NO! That is not always true.
“If you want it badly enough you will not give up.” NO! That is just not true.
“If you keep praying and keep trying, God will bless you.” Maybe-I was never able to have children, and I prayed, does that mean God never wanted to bless me? Am I not blessed?
“If it doesn’t work out, it was never meant to be.” Maybe-what if something better was meant to be?
Our world will never be the same after this. I believe we will refer to the time before the virus as “BEFORE COVID-19”, just like we refer to the way we moved about our lives “BEFORE 9/11” AND “AFTER 9/11”
There is so much uncertainty, it feels like our safety net has been ripped out from underneath us. BUT-there is still certainty, just as the sun is always out, you just have to get beyond the clouds, there will be a new chance for you to do the things you have been waiting to do.
That’s why you have to go within. You have to remind yourself that like everything good and everything bad, this too shall pass. What you CAN do with this time is to logically plan for things when life does return to its new normal. Don’t waste these moments. This type of “slow down” has never happened in my life time, or in the life time of my parents. You may feel stuck, but what if you’re not, what if your perspective is just off? What if your focus is pointed in the wrong direction?
YOU ARE “NOT BROKEN, JUST BENT!”
Infertility takes so much out of us individually and as a couple. If you haven’t already you will even begin to refer to yourself and your life as “Pre-infertility and Post Infertility”.
Why not take this time to heal. STOP the anxiety, there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO. Take this time to get back to you and to your loved one. Remind yourselves that there was a reason you started on this path to baby, and refocus.
Instead of focusing on what you CAN’T do, focus on what you CAN. Rekindle the relationship that has taken a beating since you started down the road filled with potholes and ditches, landslides and roads blocks that leads to a potential baby. Allow the fear and worry to be pushed aside, you don’t need it. It only “pretends to be necessary”. The outcome of anything will never be changed by worry or fear, it will only change you.
Do something different, even if it is cuddling in bed to watch a show at 4pm. Maybe eat dinner on a blanket in the living room or backyard, and reminisce about the way you met. Share the thoughts you had before and after your first dates, your first kiss, your first time together. Remind yourselves that there was a LOVE that was there, strong enough to bring you two together for life, long before there was this mission you are trying to accomplish.
So, yes, your world may feel like it is sinking, and you may be devastated about all that you can’t do, but with your focus on all that CAN’T, you are missing out on all that you CAN.
Read these lyrics taken from the song, “Just Give Me a Reason”-Pink, a little change in perspective and a song about possibly giving up on love becomes a song about reminding us we are not broken…
”Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough, just a second we’re not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again. It’s in the stars, it’s been written in the scars on our hearts, we’re not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again.”
I know what the anguish of infertility can do to you, it can cause you to become numb, and you wonder if you will ever be able to truly be passionate about anything ever again. Will you ever be able to love like you loved before? I can say, it will take time…if you remind yourself of the WHY, often times you are jolted back to the purpose and reminded of the love and the feeling slowly comes back.
Written by: Dayna Mohan