Valentine’s day has arrived. Some of you may be excited to finally celebrate with your partner by buying chocolates, roses, and having special dinners. Others may think that Valentine’s day is yet another commercial money machine that plays on people’s emotions. Others may sob and cry as yet another year of the singlehood has kicked in and only wish they had a partner they could spend Valentine’s day.
And then some are neutral. They feel satisfied in life as they have mastered the secret of pure unconditional love: love they feel for themselves first and foremost. The love they receive from the outside is a bonus and always feels good because they don’t attach any condition to it. Now you may think:
“Nadja, the usual advice on loving yourself is really not working out for me. I don’t know how to love myself. I tried so many times, and yet the negative emotions I feel when I am alone are overwhelming. The knob in my chest and around my heart space are reminders that I am miserable without a partner”.
I personally don’t believe in a ‘one-size-fits-all approach”. I help people navigate their perceived obstacles and sacred hurdles from within themselves so that they can develop sustainable solutions and life strategies that will work for them.
I do believe, however, in sharing my own experience, wisdom, and advice, which may resonate with some of you. Experience which may help you change your perspective and way of thinking to develop a new mindset about love and relationships.
Let’s dive deeper into my unusual Valentine’s wisdom drop to help you, experience love, from a place of serenity, empowerment, and peace of mind!
Human beings love to judge themselves and others. Our behaviors are a reflection of our belief systems. A belief system that is correlated with feelings. Every single person has a positive intent behind their behavior, yet the outcome may not always translate into healthy behaviors. For example, if you are seeking a relationship, or if you are in a relationship, ask yourself how the relationship makes you feel?
Do you feel on top of the world when you are with the person?
Do you feel loved and appreciated and valued when they spend their attention on you?
What happens when they act like a human and move their attention away from you because of work, boredom, life, or for whatever reason?
How do you feel then?
Do you feel like you are unseen, unappreciated, unloved, and lonely?
If the answer is no, keep reading just for fun or no hard feelings if you swipe left! If the answer is yes – dive deeper into this for a second. Ask yourself what is the condition I am putting on loving someone else.
Do you love them only when they answer your texts, give you attention, spend time with you, and act in the way you would like them to respond?
This is called “controlling behavior.” Most likely, you learned to love others with conditions because that is the kind of love your parents, your past relationships, or your environment were reflecting back to you.
What if I tell you that this is not love but attachment? You attach conditions to the love you give, and the way you would like to receive it. Don’t get me wrong – we are not judging here. Many people, including myself, are guilty of this type of behavior. And it takes a hefty dose of self-awareness and mindset exercise to move to healthier behaviors.
Behaviors where you are no longer dependent on the love from others to feel complete, whole, and enough.
Behaviors where you feel and understand that you already embody love from a place that is sacred within you: your soul.
Your soul loves you just the way you are. Your soul sees your authentic self and loves you unconditionally.
Some of you may think, there we go again with this spiritual fluff. Perhaps it is. But think about it for a second.
We all seek to feel a specific feeling, and we go about it by finding it outside of ourselves, so we end up feeling unhappy because it will never last.
If you count on other human beings and outside things to make you happy, feelings of happiness will be short-lived.
People are fickle human beings, and they can ghost you, they can die, they can leave you out in the cold, things disappear, and you are left by yourself. This may sound harsh, but it is reality. People are complex human beings who do what they do based on who they are and the information they have at the time.
More importantly, we did not come into this world to be controlled by others, and yet so many of us are in one way or another. Because we lack the feelings of love within us, so we seek and attach conditions to love outside of us.
If you learn to tap into your own fountain of love by always practicing feeling safe and secure within yourself first. When you feel grounded and stable within your self, you will send out whole different energy out to the world.
An energy that is unconditional, loving and peaceful. People want to be around people who can feel fulfilled without external conditions as they don’t make outside things and other people responsible for their emotions. Instead, they learn how to move up their emotional scale by themselves.
If you feel negative emotions, you can move up the emotional scale until you reach positive emotions. You can feel yourself up the emotional scale without delaying this process with your negative thinking patterns.
If you are too low on the emotional scale and you can’t seem to grasp a positive thought, then take a nap, go to sleep, or distract yourself completely. As once you are in the spiral of negative thinking, you are just going to make it worse.
Energy flows where attention goes!
My intent is for you to become aware of your concept of love and the associated behaviors. If the behaviors are causing you to feel more negative than positive, try out your personal deep dive. You can uncover the actual root cause and transform your limiting belief into empowerment, serenity, and unconditional love.