Community//

Your Problems Are Not the Problem

When you dig deeper, you may find your problems are actually desires

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In coaching, we focus on coaching the person, not the agenda that a client brings into the session. Why?

Because what you THINK your problems are isn’t the problem. (Hang on. Does this even make sense?)

Regardless of what topic you may bring into a coaching session, there are always underlying reasons for why you are seeking help. Sometimes they are several layers deep inside you.

Imagine you are a tree that is not thriving or is even withering. The problems most likely lie in the soil and roots.

For instance, if you tell me you are too scared to leave your high-paying corporate job to become a teacher, you are only telling me the surface problem. We will take a look at what is driving you to want that career change and we will look at the reasons behind the fear as well.

It could be your soul is yearning to make a difference to the future generation or there is some other desire deep inside you. Knowing what your soul is telling you that you need is essential to solving your real problem.

The same is true with the fear. What is behind it? The fear can come from not wanting to fail but succeed. There’s certain importance in being successful. There are longings and needs underneath that need to be addressed.

Can you see that YOU become the center of gravity, not the problem?

When we dig deeper, and get to know and understand what’s happening underneath, we can focus on addressing your needs. By listening to the deeper yearnings, your perspective changes, your focus is shifted, and you may find the original problem is no longer an issue or that its effect fades.

The process is to help you become more self-aware and draw from your own intuition.

YOU ARE THE CENTER OF GRAVITY, NOT THE PROBLEM

Here’s another example. Let’s say, you’re supposed to reach out to a list of people who might be able to help turn your side hustle into work that can support you and your family full time. Instead, you spend all night scrolling your Twitter or Facebook feeds.

In a coaching session, you may want me to help you to cut down the amount of time you spend on the social media so you can turn your dream into a reality.

From the coaching, you may find out deep down:

  • You are avoiding making the phone calls and using TV as a distraction
  • You are a bit overwhelmed about the amount of work making that change will involve
  • You secretly doubt that you can make that career shift
  • You are worried you won’t be able to make it financially and deprive your family of a comfortable life
  • You are longing for a new career that will give you new meaning and energy
  • You crave for the freedom you will experience and the opportunity to unleash your creativity when you can live life on your own terms

Even though this example is made up, the real conversation wouldn’t be too far from the truth. It is a common issue that many people face. Can you see how the underlying issues and yearnings are different from what you originally ask for help on? Can you also see they are all interconnected?

Try this EXERCISE out yourself:

1) Find a problem that you want to solve or a goal you want to achieve.

2) Now ask yourself these questions. Write them down:

  • What matters most about this?
  • What are your feelings about this?
  • What’s underneath that?
  • What do you really want?
  • What would be different after you solve this problem or you reach this goal?

3) What thoughts and feelings did you notice now that you did not notice before you answer these questions?

4) Now return to your original problem or the goal. How are your viewpoints or thoughts different after you answered the questions?

You may be able to find those hidden gems in you and bring them to the surface for you to explore. What you think are ugly rocks may actually be gold!

I hope you had fun with the exercise!

Stay conscious. Stay well.

Love, joy, peace, hope,

Stephanie

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