Your Best Advice

Really, this is not about us. We only have their best interests in mind. Then, why does it seem so damn hard for other people to take our advice?

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don’t necessarily reflect our own. Community stories are not commissioned by our editorial team, and though they are reviewed for adherence to our guidelines, they are submitted in their final form to our open platform. Learn more or join us as a community member!
Photo by Nadir sYzYgY on Unsplash
Photo by Nadir sYzYgY on Unsplash

Aren’t we the selfless ones?

“My husband could save so much time, if only he’d listen to me,” sighs Diane. She used to do what most of us do when the other fails to comply: she repeated her instructions. Maybe, somehow, he overheard her casually mentioning 348 times that if he cut all the veggies first he could save at least four minutes every time he prepared a meal? Or maybe he did not. Instead of happily taking up Diane’s advice and changing the way he operates in the kitchen, he firmly invited Diane to leave.

Diana is not alone in her endeavor to improve her loved ones’ lives. Interestingly enough, when asked about the one recurring frustration of expectations not met, the majority of married women I have spoken to did not mention inconsistency of their husband’s stream of gifts and other tokens of love. Rather, what irked most of them was hubby’s refusal to take their good advice.

Really, this is not about us. We only want your best, husbands! Oh, and while we are at it: we want the best for our children, too! And for our parents, siblings and friends.

Is it so hard to see that all we have in mind are your best interests?

It is good for you to eat less sugar, exercise more, use less social media, love yourself more, put on warm clothes, take that jacket off, do not be scared of the bully, speak out, take a stand, be careful with strangers, wash your hands, play with dirt to boost your immune system, swallow your vitamins, drink less sodas, drink more water, eat less meat, eat more veggies, do not take your boss’s tantrum personal, get more fresh air, pick up the weight with a straight back, study more, sit less, do’not beat yourself up over every little mistake, learn from your mistakes, focus on the positive, practice gratitude and yoga and meditation and mindfulness and playing the piano, because you have that gift and when you finally become that piano virtuoso YOU WILL BE HAPPY GODDAMIT!!!!!

Aaaah. Breathe.

Are you with me again? Now think: who is suffering when they do not do all these things or any, for that matter? And no, I am not talking about “in ten years, he’ll regret having eaten that second helping of macaroni with cheese.” I am talking NOW.

Yes. You. Notice that. What does it say about you when your husband does not follow your vegetarian diet? What does it say about you if your child has bad grades in school? What does it say about you that your mother thinks life is hard and unfair?

You may have heard it before and you may not want to hear it again. You can only take care of your own shit. Leave other people theirs. It may not even smell bad to them. Either way, it is not your job to clean their house. And your worthiness as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a colleague, a boss or a sister is NOT defined by other people’s lives or happiness.

Once you get this, you may be open to the idea that all advice you ever give is for yourself.

Share your comments below. Please read our commenting guidelines before posting. If you have a concern about a comment, report it here.

You might also like...


5 Reasons Setting Expectations in a New Relationship is Key to Its Success

by Mitzi Bockmann

Why Ignoring Relationship Expectations is a Recipe for Disaster

by Mitzi Bockmann

Sign up for the Thrive Global newsletter

Will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

Thrive Global
People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


We use cookies on our site to give you the best experience possible. By continuing to browse the site, you agree to this use. For more information on how we use cookies, see our Privacy Policy.