Are you the type of girl who can run a million dollar business, handle stressful situations at work with ease, coach countless friends, family members and employees, but just can’t find the “right” guy? Can you manage your career flawlessly, but can’t manage to find a partner? A soulmate? The “ONE”??
If so, join the crowd sista!
I hate to admit it but I will: This is exactly what’s happening in my life. Over and over. Being attracted to emotionally unstable, unavailable men who somehow can’t totally commit to me. Continuously allowing them to disrespect me, something I would never allow at work! I used to think I was an anomaly, but as I continue on my crusade to teach meditation and mindfulness to business professionals, invariably this situation comes up again and again, especially from successful, high powered business women.
We’ve learned how to master our career. We have that down. We are confident business women on an upward trajectory at work, in our profession, in our side hustle. We’ve got everything going for us: Money, abundance, security. We’re just missing one thing. The man. Or so we think…
Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret, so listen carefully: You’re already whole, complete and perfect. You’ve got confidence up the wazoo at work. You just need to transition that confidence to your personal life. You have a vision for your life and allowing someone to disrupt your vision will only complicate matters. You don’t need someone to complicate your life. You need someone to complement it.
Now, you will continue to be tested again and again, until you learn this lesson. As Rafiki once said, “Ah yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.”
So let’s learn from the past. Here are three tips you can use when this situation arises and you find yourself in a Yo-Yo relationship:
1. Call your BFF and have them talk you off the ledge. If it weren’t for my BFF Francine I would be off in crazytown right now, replaying the situation over and over in my head, looking for answers where there aren’t any answers. Lean on your friends for advice, counseling and just plain venting. Get it out and get it over with! No need to keep the drama alive, so after you’re done commiserating, put on your dancing shoes and go have some fun.
2. Get in the car, turn up the tunes and drive out of town! Go on a road trip, get out in nature, get out of the house. Somehow getting out of your environment also gets you out of your head. Nature and music have a way of reorganizing any negative energy that clings to us, as well as helping us clear our minds of distracting thoughts.
3. Turn to your meditation practice. Whenever I need the “big answers”, I hop on my meditation pillow and tune into the guidance and wisdom of my soul. While the surface of your mind can be agitated and choppy at times, like the surface of the ocean, you can learn to accept the experience for what it is; just a moment in time passing through your awareness. At the same time, you can tap into an inner peace that is always right here, right now.
Therefore, next time you are thinking of allowing a man back in your life whose apology is not as loud as their disrespect was, try one or all of these tips and let me know how it goes in the comments below. There is power in sharing our stories and discovering we’re not alone can be extremely comforting.
So what’s next? You heal. You grow. You help others.