Can we eliminate the word, ‘Should’ from our vocabulary? That single word has become a way to divide us instead of unite us in our human quest for loving our neighbor or loving ourselves, because we’re comparing our ‘shoulds’ to others. The word, ‘should’ implies a right or wrong.
When it comes to grief, is there really a right or wrong?
Everyone grieves differently. If there is anything that 2020 has shown us, is that grief has many forms and any amount of loss can translate into grief or the act of grieving. When a paycheck is no longer there, there is an act of grieving the loss of financial stability. When your child can no longer hug his/her best friend, there is a loss of human connection and a loneliness that replaces the cheer that once was.
Thinking we ‘should’ feel a specific way because of outside pressures only makes us feel more ashamed of how we really feel. We think if others don’t feel the same way we do, there must be something wrong with us, outcasting our feelings because they don’t fit in the norms of other people’s perception of the problem.
Grief is personal and deserves time and patience, no matter the type of grief or how long. We live in a fast paced society, where ‘to do lists’ are essential and the items on the list needed to be done yesterday. What if getting over grief isn’t done by the ‘doing’ but rather achieved by the ‘being’?
Being aware with whatever feelings come up.
Being patient with those feelings, knowing that they do pass.
Being kind to ourselves and to others who are experiencing grief.
Grief is not easy, yet it can be a passageway to understand ourselves in a way we have yet to discover. It’s by going through it instead of around the feelings of grief is when we can see that grief provides an abundance of gifts.
For more information on ways to transform grief, check out the book, Grief Is Only Suppressed Gratitude, available at Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, Target, and Goodreads.