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You Must Make Sure They Know

You and I both know that people cannot read our minds. Yet most of us spend little time expressing our thoughts and feelings about others and what we want. There’s a story to illustrate my point. A couple after 20 years of marriage find themselves in counseling. The wife complains he never says, “I love […]

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Image by Ryn McGuire from Pixabay.com
Image by Ryn McGuire from Pixabay.com

You and I both know that people cannot read our minds. Yet most of us spend little time expressing our thoughts and feelings about others and what we want.

There’s a story to illustrate my point. A couple after 20 years of marriage find themselves in counseling. The wife complains he never says, “I love you.” He replies, “I said it when we got married. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”

Quite often we get so caught up in our daily activities, we forget to express what truly matters.

When you applied with your current employer, it was obvious you wanted the job. Now that you are there, how do they know you want a promotion or a raise? If you’re like most people, you think it’s obvious. You think that everyone knows you want more money. Who doesn’t right?

You are correct. Every employer knows their employees want more money, more benefits, more time off, more of everything. The only way they know you want it most is through your performance. To stand out, to deserve what you want, you must act as if they didn’t know what you want. You must demonstrate you are worthy of the increase you are seeking. By taking initiative and continually taking on more responsibility, your worthiness will not go unnoticed.

As the employer, do you care about your employees? Do you like them? Do you appreciate all they do for you? Would you like them to do more? If you’re like most employers, you’re thinking, “I hired them. Of course, I like them and appreciate them. I give them a regular check.” If this is the way you think, it’s likely you have more turnover than you should. Hiring someone and providing a regular check is what every employer does. If you want to stand out, get more from your employees, you must express that you care and appreciate your employees. When you show employees you care, when you take interest in their interests, when you care about their development, you will create committed employees, willing to go the extra mile.

“People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” – John Maxwell

When it comes to developing a romantic relationship, you pull out all the stops. You do things to show you care. You say things so your feelings can be heard.  Other things are done so your intentions can be felt. Each of us learn and develop perspective based on what we see, what we hear, and how things make us feel. While we use all three senses (see, hear, and feel), each of us have a dominant sense for processing information. Starting out in a new relationship, we use all three senses to get our message across. As we become comfortable, we tend to revert to our own dominant sense. Unfortunately, your partner may have a different dominant sense. For example, your dominant sense may be sound. You only need to hear “I love you” to feel loved. Your partner’s sense may need to be touched or held (feelings) to feel love.

We must not forget we process information using different senses. It’s important if you want to keep your relationship strong, to ensure your partner knows how you feel, you must express your feelings through their dominant sense – not yours.  

If I asked you about your children, I’m sure you’ll confirm that you love them and are proud of them. If I ask your children what they think, will I get the same confirmation? Often parents while doing their best to provide for their children think providing is sufficient for expressing the love and pride they have for their children. Nothing can be further from the truth. There are countless children whose parents work long hours to provide for them that feel neglected. They search for a sense of belonging elsewhere. Don’t let this be you!

We constantly need to tell our children, grandchildren, parents, and dear friends, how much we love them. We need to share how proud we are of them. Not just for their successes, but for their efforts in trying to achieve more and become more. It’s important to let those closest to you know just how proud you are of them. If you haven’t done so lately, today is a great day to start!

When it comes to friendships, we think of friends as individuals we plan activities with, sharing in laughter, and comforting one another during struggles of life. These are individuals we can count on in our times of need. While the feelings of comfort in knowing you’ll each be there for one another is mutual, sometimes we neglect to let them know how much we appreciate them. You must take it upon yourself to let them know, not just in times of trouble, or in response to a crisis, that you appreciate them. Share with them, how important they are to you, that they make a difference in your life!

As you think about all your relationships, feelings without expression are like unspoken compliments, they are worthless. I encourage you to take your relationships to the next level by making sure they individually know how much you truly appreciate them. It will be a blessing for them and for you.

Remember, there is greatness within you. You must choose greatness. It won’t develop on its own. I believe in you!

The quality of your life equals the quality of your relationships.”

Take Action Today!

If you would like assistance with expressing your feelings, desires, and connecting with others, I can help you. We can meet by phone, on Zoom, or in a place you deem safe with social distancing. Whether you choose me or someone else, a coach will expedite your results.

If you found value in this article, please like and share. You never know who else in your network may find it valuable. Thank you!

I appreciate you. I know your time is limited and I hope you receive value in reading my posts. 

I also invite you to connect with me. You can connect with me on LinkedIn, by email at  [email protected]  or through my website at www.bryanbalch.com. Thank you!  

I always look forward to your thoughts and replies.

Published by Bryan M. Balch, Results Coach

Helping Individuals and Businesses Achieve Desired Results

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