“The knowledge of the past stays with us. To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit.” — Jack Kornfield
“In order to be who you are, you must be willing to let go of who you think you are,” asserts Michael Singer in his acclaimed book, The Untethered Soul.
Your self-perception is a mental construct and does not represent who you are. The image of the Self is formed to preserve your position in the world and points to who you represent.
From the moment of birth you identify with your human form and build an identity around it. As you mature from childhood to adulthood, this image is reinforced for the rest of your life.
Yet your life is nothing more than accumulated past conditioning. You are not who you are today as a result of your past, but because of your past. By letting go of who you used to be, you allow the authentic self to emerge, instead of conceal it behind an imagined self.
In her book Mindfulness, author Ellen J. Langer states: “The more we realize that most of our views of ourselves, of others, and of presumed limits regarding our talents, our health, and our happiness were mindlessly accepted by us at an earlier time in our lives, the more we open up to the realization that these too can change. And all we need to do to begin the process is to be mindful.”
If you discard your identity, what is left?
The core self, the deepest part of your being.
How do you recognise this Self?
It has been with you throughout your entire life and while you identify with your body and mind as separate, you disconnect from it.
You ignore your feelings by suppressing your emotions, to dissociate from painful moments. Your life falls apart and you fail to see the writing on the wall, despite the obvious signs.
I want you to recognise your primary state is not one of anxiety, fear or stress. These are acquired states shaped through your environment. A child knows nothing of these ideas until attained through its learning. You are the simple pure awareness at the core of your being.
Be vigilant against identifying with such labels since it limits your evolution as a soulful being. Think of a baby elephant tethered to a stake in the ground. Whilst it matures to full-size, it remains unaware of its potential having accepted its limitations from an early age.
Similarly, you cannot assume your sole character will carry you through life and not be receptive to change. You must transform yourself to cultivate your strengths. It is through pain that you experience life’s contrasts and awaken to your humanity.
“You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old — whatever “the old” means for you.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach
In their best-selling book The Tools, authors and psychotherapists Phil Stutz and Michels Barry impart their wisdom related to your pain story: “Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream.”
Letting go of who you used to be is comparable to the caterpillar’s transformation into a butterfly. Change is the principle of life — you reframe change to coincide with your evolutionary development instead of regarding it as undesirable.
In light of this, I invite you to connect with your deepest wisdom. While it may sound like New Age mumbo jumbo, at the very least it is your connection to your real essence.
Who is the person behind the beliefs, thoughts and ideas?
If I asked who you are, you’d recite a list of your past achievements, where you’ve been and what you do for a living.
But who are you now, in this moment?
It commands courage to discard the old self since you don’t know who you will become. As children you assume your self-image from trusted authorities. Yet as adults, the role is assumed by you, which means having to navigate the treacherous road to discover your self-identity.
What if you get it wrong?
What if you don’t like who you become?
What if change is painful and you want to go back to your former self?
You can take refuge that as long as you are moving toward the person you wish to be, you are heading in the right direction. There are no assurances, yet knowing that pain is temporary is testament to the purpose it serves, while unbeknownst to you at the time.
Phil Stutz and Michels Barry remind us once more that, “Pain is the universe’s way of demanding that you continue to learn. The more pain you can tolerate, the more you can learn.”
Be careful to avoid settling toward the journey to wholeness. People assume, “This is who I am and I cannot change.” This is erroneous thinking since one’s identity is fluid, enduring constant change over the course of your lifetime.
Equally, character is shaped and formed from an early age, yet it remains malleable throughout life. You adapt to your environment in line with your changing needs.
The individual you knew as single in your twenties, is not the same person as when you’re married with children in your forties. You believe your character is fixed and this misconception stands in your way of attaining inner freedom.
Ultimately, your willingness to let go of the person you used to be creates a space for the person you have been all along — the wholeness of the ever present self.
Originally published at medium.com