“I don’t think it will work for me.” If I had a penny for every time I had thought that or a client used those words, I’d have enough pennies to change the world single-handedly – but only my world, because I can’t change how you see the world, what you believe or the work that you are prepared to put in, not without your permission anyway.
Needing it isn’t the only pre-requisite.
I learned very early on when I took my passion for self-discovery and change and launched it into a business working with women who were ready to step up and create the relationship they were dreaming of with their husband, that I can only reach those of you who really want that change. It is pretty frustrating and here is the thing, mostly those who actually need it most are often the most unhappy, discontent and lacking self-worth, but they are not prepared to take the shot.
You are denying yourself the chance to become the woman who bravely reaches out, makes a decision to dig deep into courage a begin a journey of discovery.
Discovering a new version of the world you live in, seeing it through fresh eyes, experiencing it without the weight of the man-made belief system you lug around in your sub-conscious.
It sounds wonderful and it truly is. As someone who found that courage in the depth of my despair, I tentatively grabbed at a new approach to living, one where I create my reality knowingly, one where I become responsible for my life and how I live it. It has been a hell of a journey with much resistance along the way, but what is the alternative?
Settling, I don’t think so I’m not that woman anymore!
I know my worth, which means I know your worth.
The question is “Do you?”
No, you can’t control what is thrown in your path, but you have complete authority when it comes to deciding how you will face those challenges.
Those trials are exactly where you will find yourself. The real you, the woman you were born to be, the woman who is hiding underneath the self-judgement and fear and worry that you aren’t enough.
You are enough!
You have what it takes to step up and take control, to become the self-empowered creator of your reality, your world, your vision of the world and your future.
It is this vision that ultimately creates your reality, what you focus your attention on you see more of, so if you believe that all men are useless cheating, lazy, layabouts, guess what you will keep finding in your path. No matter how much you dream of your Prince Charming he will never arrive because there is no space in your mind or your life for him, your reality is so cluttered by the layabouts. In fact, even if he were to present himself to you, you wouldn’t see him, you wouldn’t trust him, you wouldn’t allow him in.
If, however, he did spot in you what you failed to see for yourself and he did persist long enough to break down your defences you would sabotage it. Your belief in the cheating layabout would begin creating stories in your head, it would begin to fill you with fear that he was just better at lying than the others, or you don’t deserve this and it will end eventually and off your mind goes to solve this problem and keep you safe. Making it impossible for this man to love you deeply and just as you deserved to be loved.
Why? Very simply it is impossible for someone to love us more than we will allow them to. We construct a pretty stringent glass ceiling for the amount of love we let in.
The lower the ceiling the lower our Self Love. You see our relationships with others and your ability to open up to the love of another human being is directly proportional to the relationship you have with yourself.
Low self-worth and low self-esteem equate to a lack of the secret sauce that shifts everything – Self Love.
Without self-love, you don’t take those shots and if you don’t take those shots you can never win, nothing will ever change. You will never stop settling. You will always push away your dreams and the loving connection with your partner. Simply because you can’t open up, show your heart, risk being hurt, rejected or loved beyond your wildest dreams.
You will continue to settle and not how powerful you are. In settling you have created this reality, and instead of embracing your dreams, getting to know yourself, acknowledging every wonderful, beautiful, perfectly flawed part of yourself you continue to settle for the life you have created, the marriage that leaves you asking, “is this it?” Never realising that you are the powerful creator of this reality.
If it isn’t working for you, harness that power, take a shot, become willing to learn where your stories and beliefs, your fears and your lack of self-love are keeping you stuck. Stop settling, when your heart knows that you are meant for full 100%, non-negotiable happiness.
After all, if you have the ability to dream of a better marriage, life or situation then you surely have been given all the tools you need to make it happen.
Often this is as far as people get, they agree they CAN and do have the power to change then they get lost in learning rather than taking action. SO I want to share the way that I have learned to step out of my very large, very unhappy comfort zone and set about opening myself up to the marriage I desired (yes with the same husband as before), the friendships I longed for, the courage to follow my heart and retrain in business.
The very same formula that I have had the privilege to share with hundreds of clients and women from all over the world. Women who were prepared to “Take the shot”
A formula so simple, but so difficult for many of us to accept, because it takes courage to look inside where fear tells us “I needn’t look,” and ego whispers “there is nothing to see.”
Curiosity to allow yourself to imagine to seek the bigger picture, not just the discomfort of now! Instead of falling into the pattern of “why does this always happens to me,” ask yourself, “What is the lesson for me?”
Take it one step further, “I’m so curious to know what I’m going to learn about myself in this situation.”
Commitment, to you and finding the path to elevate yourself the become the person who can accept fully the life and the relationship you are worthy of (how do you know you are worthy of it? Well if you dream, you can do it).
Part of self-love is allowing yourself to really hear your spouse, not just the words, not just with the intention of answering from your same old belief system, but hearing to understand, hearing to believe his words and listening with the intention of asking him what you can do to help him. It sounds easy and it is when your relationship with yourself is good when you are full of self-acceptance, you feel worthy of love, you know yourself intimately, all these fears, all the character traits that play out when you feel triggered. Only then can you allow yourself to hear fully and not judge or feel judged, to listen and not respond from your own limiting belief system but allow your partner the same love and respect you desire.
The formula is very straightforward, simple even, but not easy if we allow our fear and ego to take root.
SELF LOVE = SELF KNOWLEDGE + SELF ACCEPTANCE + SELF WORTH.
Are you in a similar situation currently? Are you ready to take some shots at happiness in your marriage? Then download my beautiful workbook Be Your Unique You – 5 Steps To True Love and get ready to take start taking those shots