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You can’t make them happy (even if they tell you it’s your job), period.

3 Steps to handle unhealthy expectations.

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The other day my mother accused me of not taking her side. 

I was shocked! 

Especially since I had no involvement in the argument.

Nevertheless, she stopped talking to me for days. I had no idea what I had done wrong, but the fact remained that, once again, I was at fault because she said so.

It hurt me. I took it personally. 

My sin in all this? Being the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother and taking the blame for everything. 

When you have suffered childhood trauma, you end up with a trail of issues like the belief that it is your job to fix others. 

Childhood trauma sets the tone for your ‘ever after’, unless you awaken to it. 

Naively, I thought that I had dealt with most of that trauma. But there I was, one more time, in the middle of another one of her dramas. 

And one more time, I was scared of her imminent violent outburst. 

As she shouted at me, accusing me of being insensitive to her pain, I felt her dark energy all over me. My heart started racing; my inner child was in fear. There was nowhere to escape. 

Within seconds guilt popped its ugly head.

And I popped it back down again.

I decided, there and then, not to stand in that role anymore. I decided to choose love’s truth and release ego’s fear. 

And so, I rebuked her egotistical dark vibration and stood firm in Divine Love. 

I refused to accept her accusation of being a disloyal daughter, and most importantly, I rejected the responsibility she had imposed on me for her happiness.

I cannot control anyone’s perspective of their map of life. As much as it pained me to hear her brutal criticism, I cannot artificially paint her map happy. It is not my responsibility, not as a daughter nor as a human being. 

In fact, it is her own path with the Universe, her choice to be aligned or not with Source. 

I knew at that point, as I stood up to her, that we were each other’s teacher. I had to learn to stand in my truth and release the responsibility that she had placed onto me, all those years ago. It wasn’t my fault that she chose to view her position in life as a continuous victim of everything and everyone. 

As I stood in front of her, my inner child petrified, I found the authority that comes from the Universe’s Love and blocked ego’s abuse.

No, it is not my job to make you happy! No, it is not my job to take on all your anger! No, it is not my job to be your victim!

Divine Love flowed into my body, with its peace and calm. For a few seconds I was strong. Strong against ego. And I walked away. 

I decided to leave behind ego’s manipulation and lies. And I walked into the truth: I was not responsible for someone else’s view of the world. No matter who they were. 

Even though this happened a little while ago, I was recently reminded of the truth that we cannot take responsibility for someone else’s feelings or frustration with life, no matter how much they want to put it on us. 

Many of my community have approached me with this plight that is leaving them guilty, angry, sad, rejected, lost.

But here’s the thing: You are not accountable for another’s happiness, for their feelings, their mood and certainly not for how they view their own map of life. 

We all walk our own way, with our own alignment to the Universe. Your lessons are yours to learn, and others have their own.  

If you face someone’s mean and judgmental comments, remember these 3 things:

1. When you ask for the Universe to come into the situation and speak into your heart, you align with unconditional peace. It is from that Divine Love that you are acting. Give the Universe permission to send you calm, love and wisdom, so you stand in your loving power.

You see, when you give it all to the Universe, you do not have to find the human way to deal with people’s meanness. You can let go and let God.

2. Switch the voice of ego to mute. In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), there is an amazing technique that I use often: I look onto the situation (or the person), and take the power away by muting it. You block part of that energy, so you take the power of ego away, and disassociate with the person’s vibration.

3. Forgive and release. Conflict must be transformed from what it is right now into a holy situation. When we suppress the pain that has been caused, we are merely burying the voice that will eventually pop back up. 

Do not allow ego to hold you a prisoner of your pain point, instead release it now. Choose to forgive, and pour love onto that place, dissolving any power of ego. And you can walk in peace.

Your purpose is to see the world through Divine Love that you are, your holiness, your righteousness. 

Stand firm and claim Love for others, so that they can find their inner peace. It is not your role to solve their problems. It is your role to live in Love

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