Google a list of the top regrets people have on their deathbeds, and the results are nearly the same no matter which link you choose.
At the end of life, people regret they didn’t live a life more true to themselves. They lived instead according to other people’s and society’s expectations.
They regretted they weren’t more loving, more honest, more generous, more creative, and more adventurous.
Instead, they feared judgment, and got caught up in traps of self doubt. Feeling unworthy and undeserving, most people don’t dare to live an authentic life.
Feeling unworthy begins to steer your life.
The seeds of feeling unworthy or undeserving get planted early. They take root and feel so familiar, you don’t realize those feelings are imposters. You don’t realize they aren’t your true nature, and you don’t realize your choices are being dictated by them.
When we have self doubt, we don’t trust ourselves or others. We cut ourselves off from compassion, inner wisdom, and creativity. We act out from limited resources.
Our actions and choices seem rational at the time because we don’t know those feelings of unworth and undeservedness are covering up our truth. The truth that we are lovable, and worthy right now, and we always have been.
Eventually, unworthiness becomes a prison, locked in limiting beliefs, anxiety, shame, and even depression. A harsh inner judge lives in your head. Fear, indecision, and doubt hold you back..
Eventually, the thought of being unworthy, insufficient, and not good enough become an identity.
The identity of being unworthy lurks beneath the surface of every mood swing, anxious thought, addictive behavior, lonely moment, and depressed state.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
Face the pain of unworthiness with tenderness and kindness, and you can heal.
Okay, you’ve felt how feeling unworthy or undeserving has stopped you from living your most authentic life, but what can you do about it?
Non-judgmental awareness is what you can do about it.
Bring your awareness to any feelings of unworthiness or undeservedness. While you’re aware of them, you’re not judging them. Regard it all with kindness.
Invite these parts to come sit with you.
Can you be with these parts with kindness? Do these parts need anything from you? Can you listen to them but not argue with them or tell them they’re wrong? Can you embrace them and give them the reassurances they didn’t get when they needed it?
Unworthiness and undeservedness are nothing more than a fog that’s covered up your true nature. Spending time with your wounded parts, with the intention of self compassion, clears that fog and wakes you from the dream of unworthiness and undeservedness.
You can live a life true to yourself, and you don’t have to wait until the end to do it.
Starting right now, dare to make your choices from your authentic self. Get real about why you’re doing what you’re doing. Ask yourself:
What value is this bringing? Is this coming from my authentic self or from seeds of self doubt? Am I making a choice that aligns with my purpose and my values?
If a wounded part that feels unworthy or undeserving is trying to hijack the situation, listen to it with compassion. Then lovingly reassure it you’re in charge and everything will be okay.
Little by little, your life will change to be more in line with what you really want and who you really are.
Change happens one small step at a time. What single small step can you take today to make a change that steers yourself toward a more authentic life?
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