Writing as a Mean of Seeking and Speaking Truth

After a conversation with a friend I became awakened that euphemisms have tricked me into rationalizing my own emotions. I used the word “confused” as a way of expressing feeling “annoyed”, or “don’t understand” as a mean of saying “frustrated.” I denied my emotions and hence failed to critically analyze my emotions to resolve them.

“It’s just too difficult to live in a completely honest world; the world without rationalizations, white lies, and half-truths. We can’t live in that world because it would be too painful. No one would get along with each other and most wouldn’t be able to cope with their own lives” —  Ayodeji Awosika

I always thought of euphemisms as a way of achieving appropriateness in communication. Communicate to people something close to authenticity but not in a way that would offend people. Enough to make them more aware of my own thoughts but not too straightforward to hurt their feelings. However, in an unexpected way, I also internalized these euphemistic words and denied to confront and acknowledge these emotions — sadness, frustration, annoyance, joy, etc. I failed to show up to my own feelings and hence felt entangled in my own mess as I couldn’t figure out how to cope my emotions during critical moments when they intensify and build up too suddenly in response to unexpected escalating events one after another.

I only felt these emotions and talked about what they are. But I didn’t question why I felt them and what is buried underneath these emotions.

I later came to realize that the first step to resolving these emotions was to speak to myself the truth about the exact emotions I felt. I needed to show up to my authentic feelings and acknowledge that they are real emotions that I feel. Shutting down these thoughts and distracting myself from thinking about these emotions were not only unhelpful but also made these emotions resurface again later.

Writing enables me to seek and speak the truth to myself as I learn to unfilter my own thoughts and inquire about my own authentic feelings without having to worry about how to achieve appropriateness in having to communicate with others.

Writing urges me to step out of my own emotions after acknowledge them. In the process of writing, I come to realize my own emotions from a distance and to develop a new perception in response to these emotions. I tend to adopt a more positive perception after writing and develop new insights about myself, about other people, and also about life. My worldview has changed slightly each time after I write.

In life, no matter how kind and idealistic and perfect one can be, sad and unexpected events can always occur at any moment — loss of loved ones, failing to achieve a goal, losing a friend, and much more. Emotions are inevitable. Emotions make us feel alive and connected to one another. Emotions are also ways for us to connect with our real selves and a chance for us to enhance our self-awareness to connect with and realize who we are so we can move forward to lead a fulfilling life.

Here’s a small tip to how you can develop a new habit of journaling and make it more enjoyable, authentic, and self-exploratory:

Bring a notebook with you wherever you go. Each day when you experience something surprising, interesting, insightful, just jot these thoughts down. This journal is for you so you don’t have to worry about writing in complete sentences, correcting grammar or spelling, or making it too nice and neat. Simply let your mind wander and let go of your own judgments. Write for yourself. Only write when you find something meaningful to write about. Write what is important and meaningful to you. Spill out your thoughts onto the page. Upon looking back, you might be able to develop new sense of awareness and also be able to develop new perspectives as you step out of your own emotions and reflect upon your rawest, unfiltered thoughts.

Discover yourself through your own story and thoughts.