Question: I have a female boss who is constantly cutting me down. I always believe women should empower each other, but lately, I feel like I can’t do anything right. She’s bringing out a side of me that I hate. How can I get her to understand that I’m doing the best I can?”
Answer: Oh, my God. A lot of people think that guys are super competitive, et cetera, but WOW, women can be backstabbers. It’s, really, can be tough out there. Women are just as insecure as men. Men as just as insecure as women. Being at work with this looming behavior over you must suck.
First step is, if you resist, justify, react, if you like, “No, I really am doing it right,” if there’s any part of you that wants to combat her, that’s the first place to look. Let’s just own it. Are you messing up? Great. If you are, let’s learn what you need to learn so you can handle it better and move forward. Just own it. There’s no shame in not getting it right the first time. Who rides their bike properly or whatever the first time? What little kid gets one scoop of ice cream and it doesn’t fall off the first time? This is called growth. It’s called being human. No big thing. If she’s pointing something out that you need to work on, own it, go, “Thanks for the feedback,” and deal with it. Granted, she’s not being very nice about it, but who cares.
Now, if you aren’t doing something, quote unquote, “wrong,” that she needs correcting, and she’s just really nagging you, then from a grounded open heart, from a non-reactive heart, get curious. Get an appointment with her. Get a meeting with her and go, “Hey, I notice that my performance isn’t what you’d like it to be. Can you tell me what’s going on,” so she feels heard, and then you can go, “Would it be okay if I let you know how I best thrive, because I’m really committed to thriving in this position and for this company. It would really work for me if … It work meet my need for respect if … It would empower me if … It would build teamwork if … ” and then give her some different ideas of how she can better manage you. Maybe you need to go above her and get some help on that, but at least try that on the first level.
Then lastly, I would just say, what would it take for you to be Teflon? What would it take for this just to slide right off you? How deeply would you have to stay grounded? How deeply would you have to love yourself? How deeply would you have to breathe in to this and get bigger, wider, deeper, grander than your circumstances, and still shine? This is a huge spiritual practice for you.
If what would be a great way for you to … Honestly, I think just a strategy call. I have a lot of great products that are all about staying grounded and keeping your heart open, and they tend to be more relationship oriented, body image oriented, sexually oriented. However, this idea of really being in the face of a bully, and how to keep your heart open … I need to write that book. That’s my next book, okay?
The only opinion that matters is your own.
All right. Take care.
Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.