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Won’t Get the Hint – Not Interested!

Keep professional relationships from crossing a line when attraction is involved

Q: Allana, one of my fellow coworkers is easy on the eyes, but his arrogance is nauseating. The worst part is, he’s attracted to me, and he swears I am secretly in love with him and playing hard to get. So, essentially, it’s like we’re in kindergarten, and he is on recess pulling my pigtails, so to speak. What can I do to let him know that I am just not interested?

A: All right. This is really super straight coaching. Can you take a breath? His arrogance is nauseating. I feel so horrible saying this, but so is yours. I said it out loud. I’m so sorry. To let him know I’m not interested is kind of arrogant too. I get that his arrogance is nauseating. I get that, because he’s mirroring you. I’m so sorry. That’s so straight, but it’s true. Okay. Now, maybe his arrogance is this big, and your arrogance is this big, but it doesn’t matter. Life is not about comparing tit for tat, and who’s ahead, and who’s right and who’s wrong and who’s good and who’s bad. That’s not what it’s about. It’s about our own journey, our own soul’s evolution.

Whenever anybody else pisses us off, it’s only because we’re looking at ourselves. I know, that’s just gross, isn’t it? I’ve hated having to deal with this myself, but it’s true. It’s true, because my ex was so angry. I am not an angry person. I am a life coach. Yeah. I was pretty angry, let me just tell you. When we can own it, we can change it. Now, own it doesn’t mean judge it, because that’s just going to exacerbate the problem. The problem underneath arrogance is insecurity, fear. That’s all it is. Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, okay?

That’s all that’s going on over there, and if you’d be willing to look, that’s what’s going on inside of you. When somebody is attracted to you … I have a lot of people that email me, gentlemen around the world, some appropriate, not so appropriate. Some have sent me inappropriate pics. Just a little share there. But anyways, the whole point is, they’re attracted to me. That’s awesome, and I have two choices, to resist and judge and be arrogant, or I could just receive. Sometimes I receive and go, “Hiya.” Delete button. But, sometimes, I receive and I’m very gracious about it. The idea is just to be in allowance of it and not judge it as good or bad, right or wrong, and not to judge ourselves as superior, and them inferior, because that’s arrogant, right?

Underneath it all is the insecurity of like, “Can we just be? Can we just be?” Be. He likes you. That’s flattering. That doesn’t happen to everybody. Did you know that? There’s a lot of people that don’t get a lot of attention, okay? They’d be like, “I’ll take the attention.” Okay? First off, let’s just be grateful. Let’s be in allowance, and let’s be gracious with a tender hear that is interested in you, and let’s care for that heart in a kind way, and communicate in a way that’s flattered and gracious, and yet firm and clear so there’s healthy boundaries.

Let’s not reject. Let’s not be superior, okay? Even if he’s nauseating, I get that. I get that. I get that he is. I get it. Okay? He’s doing his best, and so are all of us, doing our best. Probably not the coaching you were looking for. You might just opt out of my list right now, going, “That jerk,” but hopefully, you will be, eventually, grateful that I was actually willing to be courageous enough myself to tell you the truth of what’s going on, so that you could change it, and change the way you experience yourself and intimate relationships. It takes a very, very bold, courageous, and humble woman to be willing to coach with me, because I’m a very powerful woman. I’m also totally dorky, wobbly, totally vulnerable as well.

I’m a very safe, tender person, but I’m also very, very powerful, and it can be intimidating sometimes to be vulnerable with another person whose energy is so big. I encourage you to see the tenderness and the boldness, the safety and the strength that I hold in a sanctuary for my clients so that there’s no judgment. There’s unconditional love. There’s humor. There’s room for swearing. There’s room for tears. There’s room for everything, and I have the patience of eternity as I hold you when we go to the core of what this is all about underneath the arrogance, the insecurity, the fear, and to soothe little you home into wholeness.

That is the biggest gift you could give yourself. That’s going to ripple into seven areas of your life, with your love life, with your body image, with your money, with your success, with miracles, with family, with friends, you name it, girl. It’s worth doing the work. If you would be so bold and willing to partner with me, oh, how I’d love to love you home in this one area, not only will it shift what’s going on with this gentleman, but you will start to be this safe, alluring vortex to a very confident, conscious, noble bad ass who will recognize the depth of work you’ve done inside, and he will want to claim you. I promise you, it happens with all of the clients that do this work.

Let’s change this and create so much more. Thank you so much for your graciousness, allowing me to be straight with you. I love you with all my heart.

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