Words tremble alone. Now.
What is feminine – what is it to be a woman ?
I hear voices.
Some resounding – some whispers – some innocuous remarks Some in retort – some questions – some ‘funny’ remarks – some sarcasm.. Some innocent references to history heroes – Some in the form of very specific stories told with emphasis. And some stories of female gods.
Answering this question
As I close my eyes..I also hear voices..
“You are a girl”-”don’t laugh out loud”-”sit with your legs crossed”-”family is the only important thing”-”you are responsible for everything”-”we don’t do things like that”-”you are the rani of jhansi”-”motherhood will complete you”-”always eat after your husband”-”freedom is just a notion”-”a woman can never be free”- “you are strong-like a man”-”you can do whatever you like” – “this is a mans world-to survive you need to fight” -”it not safe-your sexuality is a liability” -”you are too emotional”-”you are too much”..
This and many many more statements which have become the voices in my head..
Now that I think, some were not even said to me, but I heard them from other women, sometimes laced with pride and sometimes with regret..longing as well.
And yet I am in touch with feminine and Masculine both as part of being a woman. Yes, I like to nurture and take care and dream and flow – I also like to build and explore and create and impact..
I am no more and no less for doing these. The distinction I held seemed to be fading..
Like a dream. Crystal clear for some time and then they dissolve.. And even if I do remember the dream – It does not make any sense at all
Funny .. I think to myself I did not for the slightest moment question butterflies coming out a yellow suitcase Or wonder how the tiger can understand and obey what I say?
Oh. Where has language and logic got us?
I was in love with the idea of a woman – More that the Woman herself Phew !! there I said it.
I have been part of many spaces with clever talk going on in circles Dry and untouched. Often mistaking anger and resentment for passion .
As an activist – I have been there – done that and known its futility.
Sometimes things are as simple as they seem. We have lost touch with aliveness Magic Faith
In running after the idea of equality…we have perpetuated the pain. for ourselves and for others. Men and women.
Because a parrot and a pigeon are not equal, neither is a dog. There is nothing wrong with a dog being called a dog..
It’s good to feel exhausted trying to understand the things you care about And laugh about things you thought about seriously, but now find no relevance.
Or cry when what you held so dear finally dies… Like the belief that tooth fairies
We underestimate the power of a good loud laugh and a good loud cry.
We trivialise the joy of making a simple cup of tea for someone you love,
We bargain the messiness of intimate conversations for movies.
We buy member ship with cleverness and clarity into a world of chaos
We try. And we fail.
And then we Package the failure
Into a new book, new movie, new wardrobe or a new haircut.
And move on. or pretend to.
Can we just sit and explore
And be In the messiness Of aloneness Of dry rains
How faith can hold ?
Where dream may take?
What love can enable?